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Partners
Despite ourselves, we ignore the sensitivities that go along with that question. We don’t know if she has been trying, but is struggling, or suffered the tragic loss of a child. If she is financially strapped, or desperately wants a child but wants to wait to find a partner first. Or if she simply never wanted to be a mother.
So why do so many of us buy into this ridiculous pressure to procreate?
We may as well ask, “When are you going to build a multi-million rand industry?” Possible? Yes. Necessary? No. Important for our own happiness? That's completely up to the individual. And then it’s all about timing.
Having a baby is all consuming. Let me repeat that… ALL consuming. Whatever life you had before is gone, never to return (it can seem). If you don’t have a bank balance that supports a lifestyle of night nurses, day nannies, housekeepers and at-home services, you’re screwed. Take it from someone who just had a baby.
I thought I would use my recovery time to edit my book. 6 weeks at home sounded like a perfect time to get it done! But 8 weeks ago my world froze into the Groundhog Day of Baby. Eat, burp, cry, nappy, cry, eat, cry – it never ends. I haven’t had a single night's sleep in 2 months and my brain is fried. As much as I wanted this, I am living in a twilight zone. Will I ever be myself again?
The funny thing is that I was one of the people who put pressure on myself to hurry up and have a child. I spent so many years worrying about it.
If I could go back and tell my 20-something-year-old self anything, it would be to relax and enjoy life without a baby because once you have one it takes over everything. I am so glad I had a full life before my baby because of the sheer commitment of it. The rest of your dreams are still possible to reach, but it just becomes that much more difficult.
The veil has been lifted, and beneath it I find a life that will never be the same again. I will never be just me ever again, and as rewarding and wonderful as motherhood is, it should not be entered into lightly.
The ridiculousness of other people constantly wanting to place life choice pressures on women confuses me. Don’t they know what they are asking? A pound of flesh with their expectation…
Being on the inside looking out, I have never been more convinced of this: We should be left to do what we believe is right for us in our own time.
I applaud any woman who knows what she wants in life, sticks to her guns, and does it her way.
