No matter how much you try to ignore past traumas, they never go away until you confront them.
Pinky Mohale (41) experienced multiple traumas growing up, and it's taken a long time for her healing process to begin.
She felt abandoned as a child by a mother who was not around and a father who never acknowledged her. She was raped by a relative and, much later, discovered she was also a product of rape.
“In primary school, I realised there was something wrong with my situation when no one cared to say happy birthday to me,” she tells Drum.
Pinky is the first born of five girls, so she went through the dysfunction alone for some years. She says her mother was hardly ever with her. She was always away working somewhere and this meant Pinky was taken in by different relatives and moved around a lot.
“I was raised by relatives and as a child, a part of me felt like I could not complain or wish for certain things because where would I go if I dared to voice it out?” Pinky says.
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One of the relatives who she lived with raped her – and this was something she didn't dare voice out as well.
Eventually, her mother with the help of her family built a house for her children and there was some sort of stability in her life.
“After matric, I left Witbank to find a job in Johannesburg and then I fell in love,” she says.
She got married in her early 20s and this year celebrates 20 years of wedded bliss. She says being married has been a blessing, as it has given her a sense of belonging.
However, she was so eager to start a new life two decades ago that she did not give herself the chance to heal from her past and this affected her marriage from time to time.
“Every time my mother came to visit me in Johannesburg, I would marvel at how she would play with my children. She loves them and it shows in her interactions,” Pinky says.
This observation led to a conversation with her mother that dug out a terrible truth.
“My mom started crying, then she told me I was a product of rape.”
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Pinky's world came crashing down. She was in her 30s when her traumatic experiences came back and she didn’t know how to come out of the mess.
“At the time, I had nothing to complain about. My husband was so loving and a great father to our children, but I was pushing him away. I had brought my pain into a marriage that had given me so much love,” Pinky says.
“I hate that I lived a life of struggle but at the same time I appreciate it. There are people who have gone through what I went through but could not cope with the trauma and some have taken their own lives. I also tried to take my own life, but I failed,” she adds.
Purpose came knocking and Pinky found herself sharing her story with a woman she met in Johannesburg.
“I had no one and she became a confidante. She opened up to me and so did I. The next thing I knew my living room was full of women who had similar stories to share and who had a lot of healing to get through.”
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And so Pinky became the founder of Bomakoti Bewundlu Praying, an organisation that helps women to heal from past and current traumas through prayer and becoming the best versions of themselves.
“By helping another woman, I am healing myself. Look at me after all this – I am still standing. You cannot sweep things under the rug, you need to deal with them and heal from those painful experiences because they will show up in your life in some way,” she says.
