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This is the one gift that all women should get themselves this Women’s Month. I have shied away from writing a full review for Sheryl Sandberg’s book because I fear I will just dilute these fundamental truths and weaken them for you. So instead I opted to share 15 of my favourite and most inspiring quotes in the book.
Introduction: Internalizing the Revolution
‘It is time for us to face the fact that our revolution has stalled. The promise of equality is not the same as true equality. A truly equal world would be one where women ran half our countries and companies, and men ran half our homes. I believe this would be a better world. We can reignite the revolution by internalizing the revolution. The shift to a more equal world will happen person by person. We move closer to the larger goal of true equality with each women who leans in.’
‘In addition to the external barriers erected by society, women are hindered by barriers that exist within ourselves. We hold ourselves back in ways both big and small, by lacking self-confidence, by not raising our hands, and by pulling back when we should be leaning in. We internalize the negative messages we get throughout our lives – the messages that say it’s wrong to be outspoken, aggressive, more powerful than men. We lower our own expectations of what we can achieve. We continue to do majority of the housework and child care. We compromise our career goals to make room for partners and children who may not even exist yet. Compared to our male colleagues, fewer of us aspire to senior positions.'
Chapter Two: Sit At The Table
‘Centers for Women, gave a talk called ‘Feeling Like A Fraud.’ She explained that many people, but especially women, feel fraudulent when they are praised for their accomplishments. Instead of feeling worthy of recognition, they feel underserving and guilty, as if a mistake has been made. Despite being high achievers, even experts in their fields, women can’t seem to shake the sense that it is only a matter of time until they are found out for who they really are – impostors with limited skills and abilities.’
‘But I also know that in order to continue to grow and challenge myself, I have to believe in my own abilities. I still face situations that I fear are beyond my capabilities. I still have days when I feel like a fraud. And I still find myself spoken over and discounted while men sitting next to me are not. But now I know how to take a deep breath and keep my hand up. I have learned to sit at the table.’
‘It is hard to visualize someone as a leader if she is always waiting to be told what to do.’
Chapter Three: Success and Likeability
‘Self-doubt becomes a form of self-defence. In order to protect ourselves from being dislike, we question our abilities and downplay our achievements, especially in the presence of others. We put ourselves down before others can.’
‘We believe not only that women are nurturing, but they should be nurturing above all else. When a woman does anything that signals she might not be nice first and foremost, it creates a negative impression that makes uncomfortable.’
Chapter Four: It’s A Jungle Gym, Not A Ladder
‘Second, I try to set more personal goals for learning new skills in the next eighteen months. It’s often painful, but I ask myself, ‘How can I improve?’ If I am too afraid to do something, it is usually because I am not good at it or perhaps am too scared to even try.’
Chapter Five: Are You My Mentor
‘The men wanted answers and the women wanted permission and help. I realized that searching for a mentor has become the professional equivalent of waiting for Prince Charming. Now young women are told that if they can just find the right mentor, they will be pushed up the ladder and whisked away to the corner office to live happily ever after. Once again we are teaching women to be dependent on others.'
Chapter Six: Seek And Speak Your Truth
‘Maybe someday shedding tears in the workplace will no longer be viewed as embarrassing or weak, but as a simple display of authentic emotion. And maybe the compassion and sensitivity that have historically held some women back will make them more natural leaders in the future. In the meantime, we can all hasten this change by committing ourselves to both seek–and speak-our truth.’
Chapter Eight: Make Your Partner, A Real Partner
‘I truly believe that the single most important career decision that a woman makes is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner is. When it comes to time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opiniated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist, trust me, overtime nothing is sexier.’
Chapter Ten: Let’s Talk About Talking About It
‘Talking can transform minds, which can transform behaviours, which can transform institutions.’
Chapter Eleven: Working Together Toward Equality
‘None of this is attainable unless we pursue these goals together. Men need to support women and, I wish it went without saying, women need support too. Stanford professor Deborah Gruenfeld makes the case: ‘We need to look out for one another, work together, and act more like a coalition. As individuals, we have relatively low levels of power. Working together, we are fifty percent of the population and there have real power. As obvious as this sounds, women have not always worked together in the past. In fact, there are many discouraging examples where women have catually don’t the opposite.’
'We all want the same thing: to feel comfortable with our choices and to feel validated by those around us.’
'I have written this book to encourage women to dream big, forge a path through the obstacles, and achieve their full potential. I am hoping each women will set her own goals and reach for them with gusto. As we start using the talents of the entire population, our institutions will be more productive, our homes will be happier, and the children growing up in those homes will no longer be held back by narrow stereotypes.’
Introduction: Internalizing the Revolution
‘It is time for us to face the fact that our revolution has stalled. The promise of equality is not the same as true equality. A truly equal world would be one where women ran half our countries and companies, and men ran half our homes. I believe this would be a better world. We can reignite the revolution by internalizing the revolution. The shift to a more equal world will happen person by person. We move closer to the larger goal of true equality with each women who leans in.’
‘In addition to the external barriers erected by society, women are hindered by barriers that exist within ourselves. We hold ourselves back in ways both big and small, by lacking self-confidence, by not raising our hands, and by pulling back when we should be leaning in. We internalize the negative messages we get throughout our lives – the messages that say it’s wrong to be outspoken, aggressive, more powerful than men. We lower our own expectations of what we can achieve. We continue to do majority of the housework and child care. We compromise our career goals to make room for partners and children who may not even exist yet. Compared to our male colleagues, fewer of us aspire to senior positions.'
Chapter Two: Sit At The Table
‘Centers for Women, gave a talk called ‘Feeling Like A Fraud.’ She explained that many people, but especially women, feel fraudulent when they are praised for their accomplishments. Instead of feeling worthy of recognition, they feel underserving and guilty, as if a mistake has been made. Despite being high achievers, even experts in their fields, women can’t seem to shake the sense that it is only a matter of time until they are found out for who they really are – impostors with limited skills and abilities.’
‘But I also know that in order to continue to grow and challenge myself, I have to believe in my own abilities. I still face situations that I fear are beyond my capabilities. I still have days when I feel like a fraud. And I still find myself spoken over and discounted while men sitting next to me are not. But now I know how to take a deep breath and keep my hand up. I have learned to sit at the table.’
‘It is hard to visualize someone as a leader if she is always waiting to be told what to do.’
Chapter Three: Success and Likeability
‘Self-doubt becomes a form of self-defence. In order to protect ourselves from being dislike, we question our abilities and downplay our achievements, especially in the presence of others. We put ourselves down before others can.’
‘We believe not only that women are nurturing, but they should be nurturing above all else. When a woman does anything that signals she might not be nice first and foremost, it creates a negative impression that makes uncomfortable.’
Chapter Four: It’s A Jungle Gym, Not A Ladder
‘Second, I try to set more personal goals for learning new skills in the next eighteen months. It’s often painful, but I ask myself, ‘How can I improve?’ If I am too afraid to do something, it is usually because I am not good at it or perhaps am too scared to even try.’
Chapter Five: Are You My Mentor
‘The men wanted answers and the women wanted permission and help. I realized that searching for a mentor has become the professional equivalent of waiting for Prince Charming. Now young women are told that if they can just find the right mentor, they will be pushed up the ladder and whisked away to the corner office to live happily ever after. Once again we are teaching women to be dependent on others.'
Chapter Six: Seek And Speak Your Truth
‘Maybe someday shedding tears in the workplace will no longer be viewed as embarrassing or weak, but as a simple display of authentic emotion. And maybe the compassion and sensitivity that have historically held some women back will make them more natural leaders in the future. In the meantime, we can all hasten this change by committing ourselves to both seek–and speak-our truth.’
Chapter Eight: Make Your Partner, A Real Partner
‘I truly believe that the single most important career decision that a woman makes is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner is. When it comes to time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opiniated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist, trust me, overtime nothing is sexier.’
Chapter Ten: Let’s Talk About Talking About It
‘Talking can transform minds, which can transform behaviours, which can transform institutions.’
Chapter Eleven: Working Together Toward Equality
‘None of this is attainable unless we pursue these goals together. Men need to support women and, I wish it went without saying, women need support too. Stanford professor Deborah Gruenfeld makes the case: ‘We need to look out for one another, work together, and act more like a coalition. As individuals, we have relatively low levels of power. Working together, we are fifty percent of the population and there have real power. As obvious as this sounds, women have not always worked together in the past. In fact, there are many discouraging examples where women have catually don’t the opposite.’
'We all want the same thing: to feel comfortable with our choices and to feel validated by those around us.’
'I have written this book to encourage women to dream big, forge a path through the obstacles, and achieve their full potential. I am hoping each women will set her own goals and reach for them with gusto. As we start using the talents of the entire population, our institutions will be more productive, our homes will be happier, and the children growing up in those homes will no longer be held back by narrow stereotypes.’
