Asking for help
"A man never feels the want of what it never occurs to him to ask for."
Arthur Schopenhauer 1788 - 1860
Wonderful technological advances which should free us up to enjoy a better quality of life and interact on a more meaningful level with one another, have by and large had the reverse effect. We no longer seem to need each other. Never before have we had the ability to do everything from studying to shopping with out physically interacting with other people!
Despite indications to the contrary, we need one another to survive. Human beings are social by nature. We need to interact meaningfully with one another to learn, develop and evolve as a species.
Research conducted with orphaned and abandoned babies has in some cases shown that without meaningful human contact these babies grow up to be smaller and less healthy than children who are constantly touched, held and loved.
Initiations and rights of passage are important to help us define our position in the world and give us purpose. These rights of passage were and are impossible to achieve alone. The whole point of these rights of passage is to psychologically and consciously surrender to the whole, to acknowledge that we need others to help us define ourselves and survive. From being in a chess team to a traditional circumcision, or a celebration of puberty, a first menstrual cycle to a first hunt, the ceremony performed by others for us shows us our worth to the collective.
Without purpose, our wellness can not exist!
Through my years of coaching and therapy sessions, I have noticed that we have only two real psychological fears. The fear of being alone and the fear of not being loved. These two really amount to the same fear in essence, and is most often symbolised by a fear of rejection.
Fear of rejection is prevalent in most peoples lives one way or another and it is this belief that often prevents us even from asking for help because by doing so we may be admitting to the world and to ourselves that deep down inside we are not good enough!
Without a right of passage where we acknowledge our weakness to the collective, and the collective shows caring for us, we construe the need for help as weakness, and this perceived weakness re-enforces our fear of being instantly ostracised from the collection we so disparately want to be part of.
Interacting with others and giving often allows us to experience joy and fulfilment, very important aspects of wellness!
Why would we deny it to others by refusing their help?