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Partners
On Merry’s article “Keita and the Christians”, Danie Theron made the following comment:
“All these comments just showed me once again how close homosexuality and atheism is intertwined. They would rather make their lusts their Lord than Jesus.” (September 16, 2014 at 07:45).
Lust, hey? Danie, you claim that you’re not judgemental. Tell me something, though. How is that comment of yours anything but judgemental?
On several articles, you and others have focussed on just one aspect of homosexuality: how we (in your view) have sex. That while the topic under discussion had absolutely nothing to do with sex. Initially, I spoke about how fundamentalists could have a negative impact on the lives of others, where I was repeatedly told I was a sad, sick little being. I responded by showing the contrary, and, as Merry indicated, the fundies again went straight for just that one aspect of the article, even though sex was not mentioned at all. It seems mentioning homosexuality was enough to get the fundies thinking about “buttsecks”.
But getting back to lust. In order to understand what the fundies were on about, I consulted a christian website. Access Jesus dot com, to be exact. Here’s what the site had to say on the difference between love and lust:
“There is a vast difference between love and lust. Lust only cares for itself. It is focused totally on the object of its desire in order to fulfill it's own selfish desires. On the other hand, love is completely unselfish. Love has compassion for the object of its affection. Love does not expect anything in return. Love transcends the material world and is solely focused on spiritual things. Love is God. God is the source of real love.” (Direct copy/paste from the site). It went on to list a number of bible verses, which I will not share here. The fundies no doubt know which ones it is, and no one else would care, so I see no point in inflicting them on you.
Okay, I’m not going to go into the statement in depth, because doing so would probably blow my logic-fuses. The message here seems to be that lust is selfish and love is selfless. A lustful person cares only to satisfy his/her own desire, and not for the person they’re with, while a loving person would want to satisfy their partner and care for him/her.
Merry mentioned that I devoted just one paragraph to the subject of my homosexuality, and it was this paragraph that the fundies fixated on. Let me copy/paste it:
“So that leaves us with love to deal with. There’s no beating around the bush. I’m gay. That means I have sex with and fall in love with men. I only admitted that to myself when I turned 24. Up to that point…well, let’s be honest. My love life was pretty much a desert. I couldn’t fall in love with a woman, or even get it up for one. I didn’t immediately jump the nearest gay guy I could find when I came out, though. You don’t just leave behind a lifetime of fear and pain and self-doubt and self-hate behind just like that. Besides, at that time, I didn’t have the foggiest idea of where to even begin to find a partner. So I didn’t. I still had my studies to complete, so I focused on that. Instead, I started socializing online. That was safe enough, I thought. I met many wonderful people, one of whom turned out to be my partner. Neither of us were looking for love at the time, but we found it nevertheless. In many ways, we are so very different, and in others so much the same. We’ve had good times and bad ones, but through all of our years together, we’ve never lacked for love, for support, for comfort, for satisfaction, for companionship, for loyalty. We are each other’s better parts. I can’t imagine life without him. Not just for sexual reasons, but because he’s such an awesome person whom I can respect, look up to, be myself with. Someone who can take the lead when I falter, and who trusts me to take the lead when he does. A loving partnership.”
I don’t know about you, but that must be the most lascivious thing I’ve ever read. You can just see the lust pouring off it.
Tell me, fundies. Where in all of that do you see selfishness? We’ve been together for 7 years. We’ve laughed together and cried together. We’ve sacrificed for each other. We’ve forgiven each other’s mistakes, and learned to love each other’s flaws. I remember, back in 2012. He had only one week of vacation time, and he wanted to spend it going somewhere we’ve never been before. He’s a more active person than I am, into adventure and stuff, while I’m more introverted, more likely found in a bookshop than a rollercoaster. He wanted a fun-filled week of activities in a new place. I on the other hand wanted to visit my HeartMom. He knew it was important to me, and so he spent that week trudging along with us, from bookshop to bookshop, without complaining even once. He even went looking for and got some books that I’ve been looking for. That, even though he has very little interest in books himself. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is. He knows me. I know him. And we’re constantly doing things like this for each other. We never go to sleep angry with each other, and we never let each other cry alone. We always join each other, in whatever we do.
So, fundies. I ask you again. What do we have here? Love or lust? I think, from Danie’s comment, the answer is quite clear, and that is why I say that it was judgemental in the extreme.
Believe whatever your bible tells you about homosexuality being a sin. That’s not really any concern of mine. What is my concern is how easy you find it to dismiss what is being shown you, how easily you reduce it to mere lust, to a crude set of actions that we perform merely for our own selfish reasons.
How do you know what my partner and I do in bed anyway, and why is that any of your business? How come you imagine only what we do in bed, but it never crosses your mind that we have a life together outside our bedroom? A life in which we cook food together, watch movies, listen to music, go to concerts and theatres, visit amusement parks, go to restaurants, comfort each other when something hurts us...normal, everyday things that couples all over the world do?
Why is my love for my partner wrong? If god is a god of love, why can't he accept that love, and why should I give up that love in order to be loved by god? Why can’t he see that it it IS love and not lust? What is the love of your god worth if I have to give up the love of my life-partner for it? Why would I be required to live my life alone without a partner, and essentially be alone and asexual, but it's not a requirement for anyone else, ever?
I'm betting you love your wife. Are you saying that desiring her also is wrong? Why is it only sinful if it applies to two men? If that is the case, then it's not the desire that's the sin is it?
Since when is love a sin? You say your god is a god of love, but it seems he's as arbitrary about love as he is about everything else.
