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In Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Marcellus speaks this line: “Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.”
And here, in the Ar-se of Africa (RSA), Siriru Kandji speaks this line: “Something is rotten in the Kingdom of Lesotho.”
Apparently our beleaguered leader has stormed out of Nkandla last week, muttering: “HKGK, Mac! I’m off to Russia. Call me when it’s safe to come back home.”
That’s why I smell a rat. A big one. And I’ll tell you why.
Drive down Kingsway in Maseru, and just past the offices of the Ministry of Trade and Industry, you will find the Basotho National Hat Shop – a popular source of souvenirs and cheap Chinese trinkets. This shop is the National Emblem of Lesotho. It appears on their National Flag.
Now ask yourself: How can you trust a nation who worship a Hat Shop? What can a Hat made out of grass do for you? Especially one with a bottle opener fitted to the top of the damn thing! (Beer bottles all have twist-off caps nowadays, Sakkie.)
People have strange religions. Some even worship rats, monkeys, cows, snakes, and elephants. But, be that as it may…
Less than two weeks after the Prime Minister of Lesotho, Thomas Thabane, defended his decision to issue members of the Gupta family with diplomatic passports, the military has seized power in his country. He has had to flee to neighbouring SA in fear of his life. He defended the Gupta’s as “solid people” with a good track record for hosting wedding celebrations.
Insinuations that he (Thabane) favoured the Gupta’s for personal returns were wrong and unacceptable.
“Check with all the banks the world over... I have not deposited any Gupta money in them. I always keep my money in an old SADF trommel under my bed – safe from my fifteen wives, thirty-seven mistresses, fifty-two concubines, and two hundred and thirty-five children,” Thabane said today.
In a statement to the press, the Lesotho sports minister and leader of the Basotho National Party, Thesele Maseribane, said: “The ahmd fosses, the special fosses of Lesotho, have taken over the hedcotters of the pulleys. Not one pessin has been hummed.”
“The prime meeneester has fled across the bodda to the Ar-se of Africa, but he is still in powa. Pee pool with ahms are running around Maseru. Pee pool with legs are also running around Maseru. A lot of pee pool are running around Maseru. Some pee pool are even peeing in the pool in Maseru!”
“They have jemmed everything. They have jemmed the radio. They have jemmed the TV. They have jemmed the phones. They have used apricot jem. Everything is sticky and gummed up.”
“We pray for our country. We don’t know what is happening, or how we are going to remove the jem,” Lesotho Evangelical Church head, Simeon Masemene, told AFP.
Prime Minister Thabane told eNCA television that the military actions amounted to a coup. He said he did not give permission for them to smear everything full of jam, and that something like this should not be happening in a democratic state.
“The military actions amounted to a coup. I did not give permission for them to smear everything full of jem. Something like this should not be happening in a democratic state,” he said. Again.
In the meantime, a strong smell of rat hangs over the Mountainous Kingdom. But there is also an undertone – the spicy aroma of freshly fried samosas, and all, and all.
“Alas, poor Thabane! I knew him, Horatio...”
Lesotho Fact File:
Motto: Khotso, Pula, Nala meaning: Remove, The, Jem
Anthem: Lesotho, Fatse La Bontata Rona – meaning: Lesotho, Land of the Holy Hat Shop
Mokorotlo: The Holy Hat
Ethnic Groups: 99.7 Sotho, 31.3% other Africans, 87.9% pee pool
King: His Royal Majesty, the Unavailable Letsi III
Prime Minister: Visiting his sister in the RSA
Independence from the United Kingdom: 4 October 1966
