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IF and Zetetic Cosmogony

Many people today blindly believe the doctrine of the round earth and the theory of gravity, a evil conspiracy propagated by the men of science, like NASA and the church of science – universities.


As a Pastafarian, I believe that all gods are ultimately just different manifestions of FSM, even the word “god” has no meaning if you are not ultimately talking about FSM. Therefore all holybooks are just different ways Monster (PBUH) have revealed his Divine Sauciness to mankind, there are no contradictions between any of the holy books, from the Talmud, the Quran and the bible to the Vedas and the Tripitakes and the Bhagavid Gita – everything ultimately points to His Noodliness, to some he was revealed as Zeus or Thor, to others He was the Invisible Pink Unicorn.


Professor Ford Prefect (Ph.D in Guide Informatics, Towel Institute) once noted this peculiar fact about flying: “... there is an art to flying...or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”


This rather succintly explains why things like birds and planes can seemingly “fly.”


Evangelical science philosopher, Blonde asked: “I fell up. Is that supposed to happen?”

A rather deep question, I think we all need to ponder on...


If we were to believe the claims made the theory of Gravity, which is only a theory, BTW, and accept that falling is truly random, then we would expect everything to independently fall in many directions and the chance of everything falling in the same direction would be astronomically small, it would just be statistically impossible.


The Unclopedia of Mad Sciences says this about IF and ToG: “ The concept of Newtonian materialistic gravity differs from the theory of Intelligent Falling in positing that God the Intelligent Puller does not guide the process of falling.[7] It asserts that unguided natural processes, such as being dropped, can make things fall. A majority of the most prominent and vocal defenders of the naturalistic gravitationary position since World War II have been atheists”



Evangelical scientists for faith based reasoning from the Obluctation Nanocephalous Iatromathematical Obolary Naskin (a magisterium for faith based science, othewise known as the ONION) has published a paper the Vatican has authorised as a decretal following their research on the theory of Intelligent Falling (IF), which has new doubts on the long standing theory of gravity (of course it's just a theory, it's not fact).



In the ONION paper, Burdett said: "Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University


Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power.”


Various sectarian sciences have come together and most of them agree on the validity of the theory of Intelligent Falling, Dr. Dean Rhoeder (P.hd in Theopsophy and Sollipsism and fellow of the Evangelical Christian Science Society) noted that Newton's laws of universal gravitation together with his laws of motion doesn't contradict Intelligent Falling, but it also cannot disprove IF.


Dr Gregory Lunsden from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning ECFR) said: "In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."


Professor Sally-Anne Davies from the South African University for Creation Science explained further gravitational wave theory and gravition theory are just secular theories for meaning “god” - noting that everything that starts to fall need to have some Force act upon them, no thing can start to fall on its own. She furthe noted that everything looks like it was pulled perfectly and if falling was random, no fall would be so perfect, proving that there is an Intelligence behind every fall.


Dr Davies went on to explain the interconnectedness of IF with a geocentric flat earth, saying that this new research exonorates Samuel Rowbotham's (1816–1884) work in the field of Flat Earth Science, noting her membership with the Zetetic Society.


What all this shows is that the earth is the center of the universe, it shows how science just has the cat by the tail, it proves intelligent falling and it conclusively shows how the fallacious spheriod doctrine taught in our science classes is all wrong.


“All these “theories” [air quotes] we are taught in school is just so wrong!” exclaimed Blonde, saying that it's all just theories and there is no such thing as gravity and a round earth, Blonde further stated that science is just a secular philosophy delluding us into thinking that an Intelligent Faller isn't necessary to keep our feet flat on the ground, claiming a global conspiracy of elitist smartypants for not wanting to accept the plain truth of an Intelligent Faller.


This research has caused quite an uproar in the religious science community, dr. Maden Chopra from the Reincarnation Research Institute (RRI) and a fellow of the Bigfoot Field Researcher's Organization (BFRO) also released a statement on the ONION paper from an Sasquatch scientist's perspective: “We at the RRI welcome this new evidence for IF and Zetetic cosmonogy – this new research corroborates with the Hindu concept of an eterna universe and it will have important implications for our search for the cross-dimensional being we popularly know as Big Foot.

We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred
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