Is she the one?

Is she the one?

At some point of our lives we all need to at least flirt with this meandering question once. Yes, I know there are those that will say that “you don’t need to wonder, as you will just know.” Well, I want to step on some thin ice for a moment and elaborate a little.
I don’t want to stomp on anyone’s toes too hard, although I don’t mind to step just a little to get the sensory organs alert and firing. However, even if you do somehow know for sure that he or she is the one; well inadvertently there will be moments of doubt. Say for instance that time the significant other (SO) does something typical of the opposite sex, there will be at least one moment of doubt. Whether that is because he said he will be home in ten minutes from drinks with the boys at a rugby game and ended up taking fifteen times longer or alternatively; when she says she will be ready in ten minutes whilst you are already running late for that all important arrangement; and she takes twenty times longer. My point is this, even if the moments of doubt aren’t as superficial or stereotypical as the example above, there will somehow still be moments of doubt.

To take the optimistic and hopeless romantic approach, perhaps the moment you know for sure is when the SO gazes into your eyes for the first time and immediately your blood rushes through your veins like an Olympian Figure skater winning gold, you gave back and your heart skips a beat, you see nothing before you besides this person and you get more consumed by each and every resounding second with him or her. You then see a flash and begin to think with a clear head and renaissance poetry all of sudden makes sense!Even in such a circumstance, I would agree to an extent that he or she is the one. However, this is hedonistic and at the end of the day… we might as well ask; “for how long is s/he going to be the one for?”

To take a more liberal approach, maybe we realise once we’ve lived for the person for a while. Maybe it is a case of being with the person and then after a while, we realise that we actually can’t be without that person. No, not because of habit because she cleans up and does laundry or because he makes good money and some good chicken stir-fry. No. I’m speaking here about feeling the love of someone that is your best friend, a lover, a confidant, maybe even in some cases- a soul mate.

Let’s be honest with each other for a moment, initially attraction is quite often based on the physical attraction and this is at times short lived as lust does pass over time. Dam, as a male you could be engaged to Jenna Jameson; but sure enough the time will come when outer beauty will fade and inner beauty will need to carry the relationship through to the test of time. In some ways, I think we all want to rather be sitting outside on the porch with our SO, 50 years later, which fills all the cliché criteria of inner beauty rather than lustful components of outer beauty. Don’t get more wrong, I’m not far from the next person. I’m all for the outer beauty (at times I even think I’m overly superficial), I think I’m just approaching an age where I am very much content and happy in saying that the outer beauty is what is going to make it last or not last. Much like a wise friend once told me; “if she’s got a great personality and a kind heart, she’s a keeper and if she’s hot – well, that’s a bonus.”

Back to the thin ice, I don’t think it’s broken just yet although I’m not either about to pounce on the ice with red stilettos. If I were to find someone that made me feel like the Olympian figure skater doing the figure 8 in unison just above cloud nine; I would enjoy the moment for all that it is worth and milk it for every penny and be as hedonistic as possible. We all know these moments are few and far between. However, once again the dance will come to an end and the cloud will dissipate and fantasy (whether that is Moulin Rouge or 50 Shades of Grey) will cease to allow reality to take over.  When this does occur, we will have our scepticism take over and the second guessing will overtake and we be left with the ever eluding question… is s/he the one?  Maybe it is about those quiet moments when nothing needs to be said, when both bodies are laying down, drained of energy, nothing is said; however a full conversation is had with nothing besides the eyes and ironically, when we don't try - this is also when the question is answered.
TheJaydedKing 2014/08/15 10:10:04 AM
Marriage should be a 10 year contract with option to renew. Children ( a byproduct of nights with proposed Jema Jameson stand in) should be made aware of the potential short term nature of the relationship from day one. If the contract is not renewed or allowed to lapse then rights of the children go to the mother unless agreed otherwise or extenuating circumstances prevail.
Stephen Townshend 2014/08/15 10:22:24 AM
I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as a "soulmate" so I am pursuing the next best thing: motorcycling.
Emma Sanderson 2014/08/15 10:50:50 AM
When you meet "the one" you actually don't need to question you simply just know. It is a gift I wish for everyone. Some people meet their "one" at as young a age as 20, others later on in life. Some go on to meet more than one (after losing a loved one.) There should be initial magic absolutely but I think as great as chemistry is initially, you need a solid foundation of friendship. You actually have to enjoy each other's company and be good friends if not best friends. You need your own interests but need enough common ones too. If you work too hard in a relationship and the other person doesn't I think it is a sign to move on. It is not supposed to be difficult. Some people repeat the same dangerous patterns and then think life is being harsh to them - sorry you make your own choices no one else! I see many sad sacks, mostly males crazy about a woman who is clearly just stringing him along until the one she wants actually comes along keeping him around just in case and they just don't get it. They deserve better and someone who actually wants to be with them. I am generalising of course it does go both ways. Ladies if he treats you like cr** from the start you will not change him, many women are waiting for a man to grow up. They never do, they might settle down but their personality won't change. There are of course exceptions. Good luck to all those looking.
Anthony De Lucchi 2014/08/15 12:27:01 PM
Circumstances change people, whether we like it or not. In reality one woman is just as good as another. Sure what makes your woman a bit different is she does not seem to mind your little foibles and you do not mind her’s....I prefer beer rather, you know there is nothing more attractive than the glow of that golden amber twinkling in a tall glass, the effervescent bubbles rising so senually up to lose itself in the perfect head of foam at the top of the glass, the feel of that musky/hopsy cold taste down your throat as you watch the flickering images of rugby on the large TV screen....aah....beautiful...and guess what when it is finished, the beer that is, you just pour another see!
Colleen 2014/08/15 12:40:16 PM
When you love someone, it should be 'in spite of' [any irritating habits for example], rather than 'because of'. But if we analyse love, we find that what we really love is how the other person makes us feel about ourselves. If the SO fails to make us feel good about ourselves, that grand love feeling soon dissipates. If you are lucky enough to find someone who makes you feel good about yourself generally and consistently over extended time, you will overlook those small differences or annoyances and will 'love' them 'in spite of'. Perhaps a bit of a jaded outlook I suppose but that's my mood this morning. :) There are many types of love and the love that parents have for their children is probably the closest to true love that exists. When we love partners, we attach expectations to that love and when those expectations are not met is when we start asking ourselves "is this the one?".