Jobs for All

I get full of cringes every time I hear our illustrious leader, or one of his honourable ministers, announcing yet another project and the number of new jobs that it is going to create. Why? Because I believe them.

In January last year, Zuma promised to create 6-million jobs and all and all. And he has. You don’t believe me? OK. Let me be telling you the story:

As we all know, our president is a deeply religious and pious man.

Moving in high circles as he does, Zuma is privy to a lot of secret religious stuff and other sheet. He even once declared that he knows when Jesus will be coming back to South Africa. (How’s that for inside information, Sakkie?)

A while ago, at a meeting of the independent charismatic churches in Debbin, Zuma was ordained as a priest at the Full Gospel Church in KwaZulu-Natal.

The Pope of the Greek Orthodox Church of Alexandria and Africa, Theodoris II, has bestowed Zuma with the highest honour the church can give to a foreign national: The Order of Saint Mark. (Also known as the Mark of the Beast.)

I’m just telling you all of this as background music so you’ll be better able to filled with understanding of what Zuma means when he uses the word “job.”

To a man who is deeply religious, job is spelt “Job” (pronounced: “Jobe” – for all you godforsaken atheists, vegans, heathens, non-smokers, potheads, pagans, greenie-beanies, and bunny-huggers out there).

For the sake of simplicity, I shall be pronouncing “Jobe” as “Job,” in this article for the rest of the day. Besides, there is no word for “Job” in sePedi.

The Biblical Job was hardworking family man who was beset with horrendous disasters that took away everything he held dear. His offspring emigrated; his constant supply of electricity and clean drinking water became unreliable; his pothole-free roads; his crime-free country; his excellent health care; first-class education; honest cops; reliable service delivery; responsible teachers; and his country’s well maintained infrastructure, was a thing of the past.

As if that was not enough, Job lost his job due to AA, BEE, Employment Equity, labour laws, regulations, land reform, and speed restrictions.

Now pay careful attention, this is where the story gets interesting:

Ever since the day Job lost his job, an unemployed person became know as a “Job.”

So now, do you see?

When our illustrious leader, or one of his honourable ministers, announces that 6-million “jobs” are going to be created, they actually mean “jobs,” as in “Job.” In other words: 6-million people are going to lose their jobs and join the ranks of the unemployed.

Jobs for All? I hope not…

PS   But seriously, beloved reader: Most people in this country want jobs – they don’t want work. BIG difference… and all and all.