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In my adult life I have learned to appreciate the role you played in my life. When I look back to the mistakes I made, to the conflicts we have had and to how you stood up no matter what.
I am consumed with emotions or feelings that are so deep that, I cry because of my inability to face them.
To many you are Stash to my siblings and Kaelo ungu mama to me you are mama, my hero, my all because I do not begin to imagine what my life would be without you.
I see people lose their parent/s and I shut myself off from the idea that one day you will not be around. I shut myself off from that idea because I cannot imagine what life will be like then. And I shut myself off from that idea because just the thought cripples me emotionally, it suffocates me to an extent that I know for a second how it is to be without breath.
Thandeka mama wam you have cared for so many, been hurt by those very same people, and you were taken advantage of. I learned to harden my heart because when you spoke to me about your pain, it was personal and painful to me.
I love you seems so inadequate for me to use to describe the affection I have for you, for I have loved many who are no longer part of my love, because that love ceased.
As a youngster I did not understand the value of loving you, I did not understand your value as a person before I could appreciate you as a mother. Today I sit here hoping and praying that God never takes you from me. If love is not selfish I don’t know then, because I do not want to be in a world without you in it.
I cry because I know nothing in this world can ever replace you and the love you have given to your offspring and to your family. Those who took advantage of you did so to a good soul, who only cared so much that she sacrificed herself in the process.
Mama they speak of heroes, of leaders of wealth I have all those things in you, because they can take all the gold, diamonds and wealth in the world but it can never amount to what you are to me.
I fear and dread the day you will leave us, I fear it for even though I have spent most of my time away from you, I always knew you are there. I always spoke with you even if it was how are you, what are you doing and when are you sleeping. Daily I wanted to hear your voice because it made me believe that life can and will always get better.
I cannot with words say what you mean to me and how much I love you, that frustrates me greatly. I am quick to despise those who try to harm you whether it be family or random people.
One day those who did not see your value will learn to appreciate you, even if that will only be a fraction of what I feel for you.
You kind, caring and loving nature made you reach out to people even when we as your children did not understand, but it is that very nature that defined you as a person. Strangers would talk to me about you kindly. As a result I got kindness from people because of the person you are.
I could not and would never ask for a better mother than you, for there is none better than you in my eyes and in my heart.
I don’t want to show you that I love you or that I appreciate you when you are gone, I want to document this love and appreciation so that generations can know about the love and kindness of a strong woman.
Your strength enabled you to stand when it seemed impossible for you to do so, when you felt that you were alone in this life. You strength carried your children and your family.
Uthando lwakho lomeleze abanintsi and it made you mama.
I don’t want a world without you, I might be selfish, but I only know a world with you in it.
