My bipolar disorder made me do it

I am bipolar and I have always been pretty open and honest about it. I am NOT one of those: “I/he/she MUST also be bipolar because I/they have so many mood-swings and sometimes do things that I/they mustn’t do.” Sometimes people feel down and sometimes they feel happy. Sometimes people get angry and unreasonable and sometimes they are just being assholes. Some things are just mood-swings and some things people do are just plain stupid and wrong and they feel too scared to take accountability for it.

I am the other kind of Bipolar. I am that type that has justified suicide in the same week as one where I had spent two months’ salary in one day with nothing to show for it and did some things that are pretty damn illegal which I still do not recall actually doing or being of sane mind when I did them. Note that I was sober the entire time.

Once I had reached the point where I was facing disciplinary action at work, a lot of problems seemingly beyond fixing in my personal relationships and suicidal thoughts that lead me to actually justify the action without feeling any remorse or guilt – I planned the event and even made sure all my affairs were in order just in case.

But what I did then astounded so many people. I actually went and got help!

This is the catch – many people claim to be Bipolar or depressed and many people use this excuse as something to explain things such as mood swings, depression or doing stuff they know they shouldn’t be doing and most of these people I have met have never gotten help for it; simply because someone might tell them they are full of shit.

Now don’t get me wrong; if you really feel depressed and feel that there is a serious problem, do not be too scared or proud to seek professional help. The people I refer to in here know exactly who they are.

Here are some things to note:

1.      I have to drink medication daily for the rest of my life to make sure I don’t do shit I should not and to keep me balanced so that I don’t assault someone or slit my wrists;

2.      I have to live with the fact that my son might most probably be diagnosed as bipolar later in life as I know that my condition  is genetically inherited;

3.      I have to make sure that I keep myself in check at all times to ensure a relapse doesn’t occur; and

4.      I have to consistently see psychologists and psychiatrists to make sure I am still on the right medication and using the right dosage and that my mental state is how it should be.

I am one of those people that joke about it simply because that is one way I cope with it and I have no issues with anyone else joking about it either. But there is a limit!

And now for the actual reason I write this:

Dear people who use the condition of Bipolar Personality Disorder as excuses to justify shit you do such as:

-          slacking off at work;

-          taking drugs;

-          coming late at work;

-          drinking excessively;

-          cheating on your spouses; and

-          overall just making bad decisions – CUT IT OUT!

You are sending the wrong message about something you have no knowledge of.

It is hard enough to live with this disorder and we don’t need people stimulating and feeding a stigma that we are trying our arses off to break.

If you genuinely suffer from this condition and feel that it justifies everything you do then have the guts to also take the steps to manage it. With the right medication and the right counselling it is a manageable condition – which is something the rest of us try to do every day to make sure that we are not discriminated against and seen as f#cked in the head.

I ask this in the nicest way I can think of and hope that you will pay attention to my plea.

Sincerely