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The Broadway Hotel in Blackpool fined a couple for posting a terrible TripAdvisor review, their reasons being a 'damage control price' on its online reputation. As I had no idea what they were on about, I looked them up and clearly Gordon Ramsay needs to check-in asap.
All accommodation establishments have received excellent to terrible review and I often wonder if they are writing about the same place. One of the criteria is staff and, yes some could do with additional training. The majority of guests are an absolute pleasure. You will assume that I am exaggerating about the rest but this is not so. Some guests are just unpleasant and out to unsettle the staff. It may take weeks to recover. Let me explain.
These guests are beside themselves with worry regarding their Kruger Park Safari and the pick-up time is constantly confirmed for 9am. "Please wake us up at 8h30," they trill. Often this is unnecessary as they are scuttling about at 5am. As for the rest I knock on the door to hear: "Go Away!" The tour guide arrives giving me the evil eye: "We have a busy schedule." So, I knock again. "You'll be hearing from us on TripAdvisor. Your service is a shambles!" they snarl, stomping down the passage.
And, there's more:
1. How can you accept a booking from a Jap when I am Chinese? They have stolen our land. Your hostel policy is not acceptable. (How was I to know?)
2. The guy in the bed next to me farted, snored and spoke to himself all night. Your place sucks! (So, no more individual dorm bed bookings.)
3. Can't you are least try and do something about the rain and the noisy aeroplanes? I am a paying guest you know. (So help ne God. And the Airports Company.)
4. I really don't want to upset but I have made a list of all the things I need at the supermarket. I will check in the guests and take their money. (No, my dear, rather just take your tablets.)
5. Six men assuming they were 'Hotties of the Month' and constantly disporting in the altogether popped open and bottle of red wine and spray painted the dining room ceiling and walls. (The review from a later guest was expected - The smell of paint was nauseating.)
6. I will be arriving around 5am. Please make sure my room is ready. (No problem, I'll ask the guests to leave at 4am. I'm sure they won't mind.)
7. My bedside lamp is not working, said another, looking suitably pale and aghast. (Yes, it won't, if you unplug it.)
8. I am very unhappy. I thought I was going to be the only one here. (Why?) Later, I left my water bottle behind. Please post it to me. (!)
9. It's not possible that my credit card has no money. I've been using it all the time. I have no cash. Are you going to throw me out on the street? (Um, yes.)
10. I am sure on your website it says you have a Jacuzzi. (No, it doesn't)
"And, why may I ask do not accept one year old babies at your hostel?" bellowed Mr Smart. "This is discrimination! You'll be hearing from the Constitutional Court."
Phew! So no TripAdvisor review then, I believe, as I wipe the sweat from my brow with relief.
Now for some droll amusement. I read the profile on a hostel in Spain - Our furniture is old so no fat people are allowed. Very pro-active of them to avoid a review about their old furniture. An e-mail - I read nice reviews of you on TripAdvisor so I am willing to stay at your hostile. (And, here I thought I was doing my best.)
Constructive criticism is always welcome but please be reasonable and address the issue. As examples - The dorm mattresses are sagging in the middle. (I replace them) and the liquid soap in the dispenser is finished. (I refilled this.)
Oftentimes, it is not always me or my hostile that sucks.
