Saying no to Xenophobia.

Obviously the recent visit from our erstwhile neighbouring president with his head start in experience over other Africa leaders purely as a result of the time he has spent in office – recently began to pay dividends,

A report out of the Reuters news stable claims that President Robert Mugabe has requested people to increase their tobacco usage after bumper tobacco harvests this season.

President Mugabe’s plea to start smoking/smoke more is bound to silence his critics as it shows a fundamental understanding of the socio-economic factors governing African states in general and South Africa in particular.

This is how I interpret his statement:

1,         We smoke more – the Zimbabwean economy gets a boost out of tobacco sales.

2.         The improvement in the economy results in fewer Zimbabweans looking to South Africa for employment – there are now jobs at home.

3.         Fewer Zimbabweans in South Africa means there is less of a chance of finding a Zimbabwean to beat up, murder or steal from.

4.         Less competition in the job market from our hard working neighbours means more jobs for South Africans and more disposable income to buy tobacco products.

This can be taken further:

5.                  The only people who can afford to smoke legal cigarettes are currently in the ANC led government either as politicians or as government employees.

6.                  The more the government (in both forms) smokes – the more chance they will die of some cancer related illness thereby making the chances of defeating them at the poles that much easier.

And further:

7.                  Most of the people that do smoke, cannot afford to, so they buy contraband cigarettes (filled with all sorts of junk). Smoking more of the same is bound to impact on (a) their ability to hold down a job or (b) on surviving to an employable age.

8.                  The less people that survive or can work means that the job market will be under even less pressure. In fact, unemployment is bound to be a thing of the past.

And even further:

9.                  As a disgruntled ex smoker – President Bob has given me a reason to take up the foul habit again and support his cause to single handedly contribute to the economy, wipe out Xenophobia and The ANC and the unemployment issues in southern africa. Bravo Bob, I always knew I’d find a reason to like you.

PS What about the poor Malawians:- Tea, sugar and fish just don’t seem to have the same appeal.