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I see a tendency – just love that word – developing lately of the regime – another old favourite – to spread far and wide as much confusion as possible, all involving spending my money, of course.
It seems that Nene’s budget speech didn’t get through to the crème de la crème who still think that it’s our money, not mine, even though I earned it.
I grant you that it’s an excellent method of detracting attention from the real issues. It certainly worked for the Romans when they fed the Christians to the lions, final score Lions 495,723 – Christians 5, and kept the empire going for another 450-odd years. Just think of having the ANC in power for the next 450 years; we could be the only superpower on the planet, or living back in the Stone Age. It’s a touch difficult to figure out if we’re progressing or regressing at the moment when the electricity comes and goes, AFCON’s come and go, without us ever progressing beyond the 1st round, and months come and go before the Prez visits parliament. Seems he’s under the impression it’s in Nkandla because that’s where he is. I can understand the confusion.
But seriously, everybody’s either charging or suing everybody else. Charges are laid, and withdrawn, and re-laid, dockets are all over the place and people are suspended, reinstated and suspended – all on full pay of course – for some imagined slight, or for what one ancestor did to another, or simply because they dared to question rich foreigners who landed unannounced intending to buy the country. One misguided fellow, apparently, wanted to query imports from China, loads of T-shirts destined for the destitute in the Nkandla area. What were you thinking, man? Attempting to disadvantage the previously disadvantaged, currently advantaged is nothing short of treason today and you’ll be lucky if you’re not walking the beat in downtown Kuruman soon.
In other news, litigation, usually conducted in closed courts - in the middle of the night - seems to be in full swing with premiers taking on ex-premiers, the police taking on the Hawks and the SARS taking everybody. Well, everybody they can locate anyway so make sure that your false addresses and counterfeit e-toll tokens are all up to date and paid for – a public service announcement, no need to thank me.
All this (the litigation thingy, not the falsies thingy) is of course recorded by GupTV which broadcasts it in India as a reality show and it’s apparently a huge hit over there. Details haven’t been revealed by the owners of GupTV of payments made to the contestants but their contracts are said to be worth millions, US Dollars of course.
Should be interesting to see how the Minister of Sport gets on in his attempt to force FIFA to acknowledge that Bafana Bafana are a football team and not a bunch of (1st round) chokers. That Sepp doesn’t give up easy, 110 and he’s still the head honcho, so reckon this is going to cost you and I a bundle, both sides having unlimited budgets for the trial.
Very, very quiet – but bright - at Nkandla where the electricity hasn’t been interrupted thanks to the importation and erection of a gift from some friends in the Orient, a mini nuclear reactor.
Named Primrose 2, it’s a prototype capable of lighting up JZ’s life, and that of his extended family and loyal friends, placed close to the convenient swimming pool/fire tank, the water serving as coolant for the nuke. Thus far no radiation leaks have been detected, a good sign when you see what comes out of China these days.
It seems that Apartheid is still alive, last being sighted at some ex-con/ex-cop’s funeral this week and apparently there to pay his condolences as they had had extensive dealings in a previous life.
A complicated story but the gist is that the ex-con/ex-cop was a big deal once but got into bed with an Italian hooker, spilled his guts for some Italian shoes, and ended up working as a caddy on a golf course in KwaNatal. This Apartheid fellow apparently took him down when the hooker spilled her guts to him in exchange for an open-ended ticket to anywhere. Sad, huh?
Lastly, finally, we have some bright news from Eishkom who report that they are - with immediate effect - closing down Megawatt Park, their shining beacon of a head office – and I mean that literally – sending everybody home to work from there and turning the place into a dinosaur theme park, this to be renamed either BEE or Kilowatt Junction. The jury’s still out on the name change, apparently some ancestral thing about sacred ground.
Feasibility studies conducted by the Minister of Defence (MoD), the Minister of Foreign Affairs (MFA), and the Minister of Tourism (MoT) in the Eishkom war room, over a couple of bottles of Johnny Walker (black), served with KFC, indicated that the savings made by switching off Megawatt Park will easily offset the envisaged increased cost of salaries. They of course now won’t actually know who is working for them but I’m sure they’ll figure it out - they always do even if it takes them a couple of years.
This is an unfolding story, could turn out to be a highlight of the day, but again it’s liable to cost us. Be prepared.
That’s the highlights of this week’s edition of Strange People, Stranger Circumstances but then remember that these are only the highlights, and it’s only Monday. For all the juicy details on these and the many, many, many other intrigues, court cases, investigations, suspensions, hirings, firings, births, deaths, movements of the Emperors cows and multiple marriages please do tune into GupTV from dawn until dusk and get it all, like they did.
