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The Plight of the White Dinosaur

By: Siriru Kandji 2014-08-25 21:15

This is actually two stories: the extinction of the dinosaurs, and the demise of the white, grey-haired old men of South Africa.

Dinosaurs roamed the Earth for more than 160 million years until their sudden disappearance 65.59734338 million years ago, on a Monday morning the 3rd of March, at 07:46 am. This is now known as the “Cretaceous-Tertiary,” or K-T, extinction event. (“K” is the abbreviation for the German word “Kreidezeit,” – a type of sauerkraut made from klassische Apfelstrudel.)

(By the way, this article contains a lot of highly scientific terminology, professional jargon, and other technical stuff. Don’t let it faze you – I’m just using it to make myself appear educated. One day I hope to become a doctor – like Pallo Jordan. But that’s not important right now.)

New evidence has been unearthed showing that the dinosausaurus age was ended by the impact of a steroid to the earth. Research has also revealed that all the prehistoric animals died out at exactly the same time as a six-mile long object from outer space hit the planet.

The impact left a crater of 110.5647 miles (177.93663656 kilometers) wide near the town of Chicxulub, Mexico. By strange coincidence, if you add the numbers of 177.93663656 together, you will find that it adds up to 59. Fifty-nine is the 17th smallest prime number. Fascinating…

And that’s not all!

There are 59 stellations of the icosahedron – the antennae of a certain type of bloodsucking gnat. Beethoven’s Opus 59 consists of the three so-called Razumovsky Quartets. 59 is the atomic number Praseodymium (Pr). It is valued for its magnetic, electrical, xenophobic, and optical properties.

Truly remarkable!

Now back to our story:

The explosion at Chicxulub, Mexico, would have released as much energy as 100 trillion tons of TNT – a billion times more than the atom bombs that destroyed Hiroshima and Kawasaki.

But, as luck would have it, Japan is on the other side of the world, so no one was injured, killed, or worse, when the asteroid struck.

Scientists now think that there was so much dust in the air that sunlight would not have been able to shine through it, and that the plants and animals would soon have died.

The last to die were the flying reptiles – but as soon as they landed, they were overcome with the dust, and they died from it, until it killed them. Their wheezes, gasps, and hacking coughs could be heard all over Mexico, Texas, Mississippi, and even as far afield as Tierra del Fuego.

(That is to say, if people had actually lived in Tierra del Fuego at the time, which of course they didn’t. But I’m just saying. They would have heard it if they were there. In Tierra del Fuego. That’s all I’m saying.)

And then a great QUIET descended over the Earth for millions of years.

What happened next remains a mystery to this very day. When the dust finally settled, there were these strange white, grey-haired old men, roaming all over the countryside in South Africa. No one has ever been able to fully explain where they had come from.

But one thing is for sure: they were also young once; they worked hard; studied diligently, and enjoyed the country of their birth. They paid taxes and looked forward to a well-governed country in their twilight years. They looked forward to a secure and happy future for their children and grandchildren. They were optimistic.

But that was before a cataclysmic asteroid of catastrophic destruction fell upon this country in 1994.

Large tracts of fertile farmland and productive farms were destroyed by incompetent wanna-BEE farmers who demanded land. Inner cities turned into cesspools. The country’s infrastructure was turned into a state of wrack and ruin and flotsam and jetsam like never before in the last 65.59734338 million years.

The dust of incompetence, corruption, and greed, obscured the sun. Riots, strikes, entitlement, empowerment, and unemployment killed off the last vestiges of a civilised society.

Government departments, municipalities and official subdivisions of state, have all collapsed through incompetence, ignorance, lack of leadership, and uncommitted, lazy workers.

Potholes, the size of the crater in Mexico, have appeared on roads throughout the country.

A crime wave of tsunamic proportions hit the land.

The devastation out of control.

Now we wait for all the white, grey-haired old men, to disappear from the face of the planet. Just like your dinosaur of yore. (“your dinosaur of yore.” Nice one, Sakkie.)

If you listen closely, you can already hear their wheezes, gasps, and hacking coughs in the distance.

Now we wait...

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