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At a recent Sitting of Parliament the motion was proposed to eradicate the word black from our vocabulary and all other matters as this has been proven to cause consternation in our society. Any connotations thereto will carry a minimum fine of R10 000 or six months imprisonment. Or both.
As from the 1st April 2015, the following laws and by-laws will be implemented:
The word black will not be permitted in a Census, blackmail, blacklist or blackball. You will also not be able to drink your coffee black.
No references will be made to black sheep or cats, night skies or outer space, the devil, medieval monks, knights and armies.
Johnny Cash will not be referred to as 'The Man in Black,' or Edith Piaf performing in black or Whistler's Mother painted wearing black. The Black-Eyed Peas will now only be known as The Peas and Ozzy's Band as The Sabbath.
The United Nations will be notified to remove the colour black from national flags including Dominica, New Guinea, Yemen, Baden-Wurttenberg, Saxony-Anhalt, Estonia, Albania, Brunei, to mention a few. And, South Africa. Also, the Jolly Roger.
The European Sea and the Russian Fleet will longer be called Black.
One will now RSVP to a Tie Affair and may wear a Little Dress. One's hair may not be black like Cher's. This also applies to the apparel at the attendance of a séance, a witches coven or a party attended by naughty, blackface university students.
Permanent Markers, other dyes and inks, cars, roof paint, refuse bags, computer keyboards and all other questionable items may be manufactured in any colour with the exception of black.
At a long ago Sitting of Parliament someone suggested that as a reconciliatory gesture all those with the surname Botha amend this to Swart.
This did not go down well with Pik.
