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I read an interesting article a while ago- can’t remember where- but it struck a chord and am sure it will resonate with others as well so will share these observations.
Before it’s assumed a loner is a lonely or intellectually and socially inept person, let’s repudiate these perceptions right off the bat. Quite the contrary, a loner is comfortable in their own company, with many functioning at a higher intellectual level than their peers. What distinguishes them from others- besides their preference for being alone- is their disdain for superficial human interactions and dialogue.
Which begs the question- are there any values to being a loner within the wider human experience and context.
The article made an interesting point arguing it to be rare for a woman to be a loner as they are more vehicles of external validation than men, that is, they find their identity and validation through other people rather than themselves or in their own company.That might be true generally, but there are always exceptions to the rule.
For the most part though, strong and well- cultivated people require and cherish time alone.
The opposite may be true for the weaker kind.
The truth of the human condition is that people don’t understand us in a deep sense, any more than we do them, our deepest thoughts, feelings and values being impossible to share and communicate.
We realise this more as we age and consequently spend more time alone.
Friendships for the most part are based on the mutual reinforcements of the illusions and delusions that sustain people. In order to get through life, most people seem to insulate themselves in a bubble of rationalisations, lies, expectations, hopes, entitlements and so on.
Naturally friendships will be with like-minded people who inhabit the same bubble.
Friendships therefore may be problematic for the same reason that you have to be mindful of the PC police at work: people do not, and cannot see the world as penetratingly as you do.
So the truths you take for granted are likely to burst their dear bubbles, without which the majority of humankind cannot go on.
It’s not so much the defects of human nature alone, but the fact it’s combined with an intolerable self-regard, that makes so many human beings impossible to deal with and the loner’s life necessary.
It’s a lie that knowledge and truth is what most people crave, rather it’s just the confirmation of their own biases and pet theories.
The times in which we live are so full of people who are not only a blind mess, but also expect others to kiss their stumbling foolish feet.
There are a few whom one can connect with on a deeper level who share the same undraped world view – for whom we are grateful.
In our culture people can be spineless, driven by a bland narcissism, and it’s getting worse, so being a loner who relies on hobbies and interests for meaning and fulfilment is a rare type of good fortune.
Devoting oneself to projects will keep you productive and creative. Also clarity of thought focuses the mind and shuts out the clamour of a world which disseminates misinformation and disinformation hidden in between its news bulletins and analysis.
Being solitary also focuses one’s spiritual communing, hearing and understanding.
Being a loner can be a test of strength of character and mind so never shun or dismiss its value.
One’s greatest breakthroughs and rejuvenation is realised in times of extended solitude.
Use it well.
