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Are Families Who Pray Together Really Together?

I imagine the ideal family to be a place of abundant love and stability, a place where even though it consists of complete opposite personalities, they are always able to be understanding and patient with each other. The parents lead and guide the home with wisdom. They model what love is to their children.

The parent’s voice is listened to and respected in the home; the importance of living a good life is always emphasized and taught without judgment, mistakes are never used against one another. They value time spent together and communication is used as a tool to foster growth and maturity in all aspects.

But then again, I said ideal…

The word ideal gives us the idea that this is the way things should be, it should be the set standard for families to abide and live by. But the sad reality is that this is not the case. We do have families but they are so far from being ideal that they actually turn out to be total opposites of everything a family is intended to be. The purpose of the family structure is not being fulfilled; living in the same home does not mean they are together (warm fellowship or the state and quality of togetherness).

Are we kneeling together or just next to one another…

Adam and Eve and their children are the first family we are ever introduced to in the bible. When they are thrown out of the Garden, one is left to wonder about their prayer life after they had eaten from the Tree of Life. Were they ever able to be ‘one flesh’ again? Did Eve ever harbor any resentment or betrayal for the way Adam had blamed her for their sin? Was their disobedience ever discussed at the dinner table? Were both parties ever able to forgive themselves and each other? Were any apologies ever uttered and the appropriate responsibility taken? I shudder to think that these issues were never brought up and resolved because they could have still prayed together even though not still together.

I imagine Cain and Abel being born into that kind of home, where mom doesn’t feel safe because dad never has her back. Cain is known for his infamous quote ‘I am not my brother’s keeper’. As a first born son; his first responsibility and most natural instinct is that of being a keeper and protector of his younger brother. Even though murdering his brother is a young stretch from his dad escaping responsibility and blaming his wife for their transgression but the home is the first place where certain behaviors and core values are learned, so this had to be a character trait (flaw) that was inherited; where each man was for himself in that family.

Somebody needs to take responsibility…

There are many snakes that crawl into our homes; threatening to break our togetherness, snakes that introduce disobedience and nakedness; snakes that cause confusion and steal our sanity. Our homes are challenged and shattered by addictions, unmet expectations, marital hardships, abuse and so much brokenness. Sometimes these are not so easy to detect, resulting in praying together with undealt issues, deep rooted hurt, resentment and bitterness. Carefully thought out effort must be put in our homes, families who live together need to maintain togetherness with care and dignity outside of their prayer life.

Prayer is for people who know how to be together first before kneeling together. Time spent on our knees should not be seen as the magic wand that makes our ugliness disappear. Prayer changes everything that is without a doubt, and it should be utilized to heal and mend. But what is the purpose of prayer if it is not used to bring families closer to each other? There is more to prayer than something we do because we hope to stay together, more is required than just kneeling side by side in the same room, more must be deliberately done to keep the bond and unity of the family.

Prayer runs the risk of becoming just a senseless religious ritual with no power or results. This is very concerning for the children that are brought up in these homes because prayer will always be nothing more than just something done before bedtime. Resentment and rebellion can grow against family prayer time when the children feel forced to say words with no substance. This can change how they perceive prayer until something is done and more effort is put into building healthy relationships between family members outside their prayer life. Don’t just pray together but really be together.

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