Bumping sides with boundaries

I’ve had one of those weeks. A friend asked me for something that felt uncomfortable for me and I knew I needed to decline...not so easy when you care about the person. A family member arrived at an intimate lunch bristling, and proceeded to dump their mood at the lunch table, ruining lunch. Finally, I woke from an awful dream the day after the ruined lunch and snapped my husband’s head off! His crime: he had walked from the bathroom to the kitchen to switch the stove off and he wet the floor– laminated wood and tiles a.k.a no big deal! 

After incident number 3, I took a deep breath and had a quick check-in with myself, ‘Ok, what’s going on?’ ‘BOUNDARIES!’ popped out. Mine were being transgressed and I needed to take charge of them.

Dr. Brene Brown, in her marvellous book, ‘Rising Strong’ talks about boundaries simply as being what’s okay and not okay with you. She goes further to ask a pertinent question, ‘What boundaries do you need to put in place with a particular person in order that you can approach this person from a place of integrity and compassion?’, a place of goodwill if you want.

I turned my attention to my friend. I thought it through and responded honestly and kindly and reclined their request. Next the incident of lunch. As this happens from time to time with this particular family member, I’ve decided that next time, I’ll acknowledge the bristle and question it respectfully, and if necessary leave lunch early. Now to my husband where I’m the transgressor.

I did apologise within the hour (claiming a crocodile had bit my bum), and the truth is that if you live with someone snapping is inevitable. I’ll always endeavour to own my lapse as quickly as possible and make amends.

This week I’m advocating for boundaries. 

Mediating being human continues…