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Hi everyone, my name is SoSayMyDad, I am obsessed with fatherhood. It has been 4 years now depending on who is counting, but I dragged myself into this and I am determined to doing it right.
Sjoe! Now that it’s out of my chest, it is only proper to explain myself. My heart breaks when I see children growing up from single parenting while some might as well be put in single parenting environment because even though their fathers are there, they are part-timing this full time job and responsibility. There are those who are faking this as if someone is pushing them, yes I am talking about the social media parents, the selfie type. Taking a selfie is less than a minute, so children tend to enjoy the good fathers they long for only for that one minute of taking selfies, smiles up, fake happiness evaporating within seconds after that minute is up. “Get off me now, I need to upload this on my Instagram or Facebook”, presuming that is how fathers feel.
The local Rapper; Riky Rick said something really not sitting well with me on the Sunday Times Lifestyle article; HIP-HOP DADS by Rea Khoabane on the 19 June 2016. He said, “I don't think anyone can define exactly what a ‘good father’ is. My father did what he could to be in my life and spend time with me.” It is noble enough for Riky Rick to appreciate the little his father did but trying to defend him doesn't help but keeps going the terrible and sad cycle of fathers refusing to be hands-on. This is encouraged by saying that it isn't so bad to have imbalances in families, the children aren't really badly affected. My Ceramics lecturer; Mr Masuku in Art School said that one must only feed, pay education fees for a child, that is enough and anything else, the child will fend for himself/herself. Jaw-dropping? Yes, I know.
My father was absent, period! I was 15 when I first met him. I love him to bits but I am not about to make excuses for that man. He did not hold his stuff together, he was just not there. I cannot get lost in the times he was and cry praises for him saying that he “did what he could”. By doing that, I would be saying to myself it isn't bad when I myself start emulating such crime against children’s upbringing and happiness.
In the same article by Rea Khoabane. The writer herself is somehow trying to mold into shape, clay which refuses to shape up. She is in some way trying to say that the Rapper Dads got this when they clearly ain't got it. She is making references of international rappers like Kanye West, Nas and Jay Z. I am a huge Nas fan but I know in one of his songs, he raps about how shocked he was when his daughter Destiny posted a selfie on social media with the box of condoms on the pedestal. Now, if Nas wasn't just one of those Dad’s who know the importance of ‘spending time’ with his daughter, he would have managed to raise, talk such stages with his daughter instead of being shocked and rhyme about it in a song.
I can tell you right now Riky Rick aka Rikhado Makhado that mere ‘spending time’ with your children isn't making you a good father. You need to do more than that my Ninja!
Reason, another local rapper blessed with great rhymes really breaks my heart when in the same article says, “He got to know Obakeng well during the months before he died”. This Hip-hop star only got to know his late son who was 4 years when he died, only a few months before he died. Where were you Reason in the first 3 years of your sons life? Of course Reason would not have been there because he was probably with the other woman who gave birth to his daughter on the same year his late son was born. Meaning that Reason was making babies with two women in the same space of time. Really my brothers and sisters? Can we not clearly see what a good father is not? Obviously if we say that we cannot clearly define what a good father is, surely we must know what a good father is not and that answers, solves the mystery.
Khuli Chana spoke about ‘balancing the roles of father and musician.’ That is where the problem begins, isn't it? We make babies before we even think how our-lives would be affected by the presence of the child, only later we try to figure out how to balance the fatherhood gig. Are we aware that we are talking about a life that cannot fend for him/herself here, first and foremost? We shouldn't treat our children as we do our pets. Yes, we do not think about our pets when we are out at work, with friends and all. We attend them when we are back, if we do attend them at all.
Pardon me, I want to be a good father or die trying. It is all I can do. Well, maybe Reason can take comfort to that my father also did like he did. I have a brother who was born of a different woman, the same year I was born. A good father does all he is expected to do and more. I believe I owe it to myself to do everything good, be there all the times and not just ‘spend time’ with my child. Being with my child should never be on occasional basis. I must be there in the morning and in the evening as a father, not only on weekends. I must also do everything rearing for my child bringing her up.
