How to parent a child with different needs

“There are certainly no guidelines on how to parent a child with different needs [and therefore] we take every day as it comes, doing our best and being present.”

This according to a mother on navigating life with a daughter on the autism spectrum, which has the family continuously learning and adapting in hopes of cultivating an understanding of the disorder and embracing the toddler with love and acceptance.

The doting parent, who preferred to share insight into the challenges of raising a child living with the disorder on condition of anonymity, recalled her daughter “Rae” (as referred to throughout the article) being diagnosed with level-3 autism at the tender age of 18 months.

Rae is non-verbal and battles severe challenges in social communication and inflexible behaviour.

While Rae initially reached all her development milestones very fast, she was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) after she had stopped responding to her name and babbling a few months before turning a year. “She could say ‘Mamma’ and ‘Dadda’; wave bye, look where I would point, and play peekaboo and laugh so loud, but all this had stopped around nine months and I knew something was wrong,” shared her mom, who at the time did not know where to turn.

According to the parent, she initially suspected that maybe her daughter has lost her hearing as she had suffered recurrent ear infections. However, after treatment, which comprised several courses of antibiotics, visits to ear, nose and throat specialists and multiple hearing tests, this proved not to be the case. Eventually having her screened and learning that she is on the autism spectrum, brought about an initial sadness for the parent, who felt she had now lost the kind of life she had envisioned for her beloved daughter since knowing she was pregnant. “I was scared because I didn’t know how I’d be able to give her the tools to be a functional individual in our society, and my thoughts went a million directions for days,” recalled the parent. “We made some changes to our lifestyle, [and] we are all still learning and adjusting.”

Through the difficult, but humbling journey the local family has learnt to be more thoughtful and handle situations “gracefully” by slowing down and being present “because every child is unique and so too their needs”. The journey has not only enriched them but brought about renewed gratitude for kindness, especially as their daughter’s voice, and the ability to tap into a deeper sense of courage to do what’s right by her even when fear starts to set in.

Disorder aside, Rae is a happy toddler who enjoys walks and running, and jumping on literally every surface. She loves her big sister and playtime together. She is fascinated by seeing the wind in the trees. She is very brave, and does not hesitate going down the slides at play parks or being thrust into the air on a swing. “She loves opening your mouth and inspecting your teeth,” her mom added. “It’s the cutest thing,”

The parent further set straight the misconception that children on the autism spectrum have to look or be a certain way physically. She urged others parenting a child on the spectrum to shake off any shame or shyness and champion speaking up and advocating for their child, who “depends solely” on their protection and support. “Family members, call and check in on the parents and offer to help in any way – we really need [the support] and are [often] too afraid to ask.

“Other parents, teach your children to be kind to other little ones, who play differently and, instead of avoiding or bullying them, get to know them and their interests. To those grown-ups looking in and possibly seeing another parent in the mall, shops or restaurant with a kid screaming, fighting and generally having a meltdown, know that parenting a toddler on the spectrum is sometimes very overwhelming, especially when trying do get things done while out and about. We cannot just shush our kid, or make other people feel comfortable at that point, understand the child is priority and please offer to pick up the toy or the bread the parent is reaching for on the shelf with a kicking, screaming kid on the hip.”

While Rae is still a toddler the parent has dedicated herself to doing what’s best for her little girl and giving her all the necessary tools to pursue and realise her dreams, whatever they may be.

“Rae is loved, and accepted. She is perfectly made the way she is. She is my child, our blessing, who is also neurodivergent,” she said.

In commemorating Autism Awareness Month (April), the parent is focused on celebrating Rae and others who are on the spectrum just like her.