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S .T.O.P. is on a warpath to open adults and parents’ eyes to the dangers seen by their partners, spouses and, especially, their children exposed to limitless levels of pornographic materials, and coursed for addiction in an increasingly digital demanding age.
Thanks to its director, Clive Human from Meadowridge, Standing Together to Oppose Pornography (S.T.O.P.) is an organisation run by volunteers formed in 1996. Aside from the general public, particularly parents, S.T.O.P. has gained support from schools, churches of various denominations and faiths and like-minded NGOs and organisations.
Demanding digital age
With schooling revolutionised by digital devices for children’s enhanced learning experience comes the exposure to explicit content across the Southern Suburbs. Here Human says: “Over the many years we’ve been involved in this area we’ve seen a huge increase in the number of devices children can use, including game consoles, or in fact anything with internet access. Many are exposed by accident while doing a school project, some are naturally inquisitive about sex and seek it out or they are shown it (peer pressure) by someone they know.
“We know for a fact that it is at epidemic proportions in schools, even churches and our homes.”
Statistics prove South Africa is one of the top countries when it comes to hits on porn sites, he continued.
“We have seen a marked increase in calls and requests for help in adults and children. As awareness increases, so does the response.”
Thankfully, he said, there are other organisations and professional practitioners involved that are able to deal with the increased demand for helping porn addiction. “Surprisingly, many [practitioners] still don’t realise porn is very addictive and referred to by specialists as the ‘new drug’.”
Indicators of porn addiction suggest the ages of exposure to pornographic material are becoming increasingly younger. However, Human says, “when it comes to local research by the Film and Publications Board (FPB) and others, it was found that the ages of first exposure is dropping. It’s an issue for both boys and girls today.”
Average age of first exposure has dropped to eight years of age. As some schools are addressing the issue, more younger children are admitting to viewing porn regularly.
“There is a strong indication of more girls turning to porn. International research shows that for girls and their porn watching habits as of 2021, that 57% of females aged 14-18 have viewed pornography.”
According to one of the largest porn sites in 2022, 36% of their worldwide viewership was female, an increase of 51% since 2014. This only captures users with registered accounts, and an overwhelming majority of women who frequent porn sites never register for an account.
Advice & red flags for parents
Human advised that from a child’s early age, parents need to have open dialogue with their children; device screen time must be limited whereby parents need to have full access to the devices at any time.
“We also suggest that parental controls are installed on the devices and that the phones are removed at night.”
While children are under a parent’s roof, they ought to abide by their rules.
“It’s not a right to have a cellphone or tablet, it’s a privilege,” he insists. “Parents need to understand their responsibility with the child’s device: Any under-18 found with porn on their device could lead to parents being charged with neglectful abuse, unlikely but possible.
“With sexting being a grave issue today, parents should note that if their child has explicit photos or filmed a person under 18 years of age, that it is a criminal offence, i.e. possession of child pornography (CSAM = Child Sexual Abuse Material). If someone forwarded the clip/jpg to anyone else, that is also a criminal offence; distribution of child pornography.”
Counselling for porn addiction
Human facilitates a men’s support/accountability group in the Southern Suburbs for the last 20 years. “I continue to offer advice and support to the many addicts and their families who have contacted us over the years.”
With regards to counselling for minors, he has found that minors and teens need specialised one on one counselling. “There is still a lot of shame and embarrassment for most but especially for the youth and when it comes to group therapy and they can be overwhelmed in that situation.”
As far as the adult groups go, firstly the person must want to be set free from this addiction bondage. “My group is Christian-based in Meadowridge, but we accept any faith or non-faith person into the group. It’s a safe, non-judgemental and confidential space to be accountable and honest, a space where we can rebuild the trust for their relationships.”
For wives or partners seeing their spouses or young boys and girls struggling with this addiction – what advice could be offered, especially if this is met with denial?
He stressed how hard it is for the spouse or parent of the addict. “Firstly, don’t ignore the behaviour; the spouse should also begin meeting with a counsellor, the reason being it can often cause unresolved issues in the spouse’s life to surface. It also helps them deal with the emotional side of the infidelity, as it actually is an affair of the mind.”
If the spouse is in denial, Human adds, then they won’t mind being open and forthcoming with excuses needed to allay the partners fears or suspicions. “For children it’s easier, they can be given limited and supervised access to the internet. They all can have a monitoring programme installed for peace of mind. Programmes such as www.techbearonline.co.za and others are very helpful.”
For more advice, references or information, Human is contactable on www.stop.org.za
