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Like many little girls, my daughter has had the misfortune to be born into a world where adults constantly shove what they think she should like and be like down her throat rather than taking the time to consider or find out what she actually likes.
Both of my children love super heroes, action, transformers and pretty much anything that can be defined as "cool" and interesting.
My son, being a little older, has mostly lost interest in toys in favour of computer games.
My daughter loves computer games too, but she also still loves Lego, action figures, and similar.
Both of my children were born in December, so we had a joint birthday party for them this year.
Nothing quite shows up the contrast between the way we treat boys and the way we treat girls like presents given to them on the same day.
First example: Games
I noticed it first with two packs of cards, the game 'Snap', one given to each child.
My daughter’s present was "Minnie Snap", a pink and purple bow covered box, with Minnie Mouse and Daisy Duck, decked out in heels, bows, and 50s-inspired dresses, and generic "look at me I’m here to be pretty" poses on the front.
The message is clear: Be pretty. That’s your job. All you must do is be pretty.
My son’s present was, "WAR: THE CARD GAME".
War. The card game. That message is pretty freaking clear as well.
Image: Supplied
Then, when boys are older, people wring their hands and sigh and wonder why men are so violent and aggressive.
People also wonder why women are so obsessed with their looks – why they will take hours getting ready, selecting the right clothes, starving themselves into the right shape, constantly placing priority on trying to achieve that goal that they’re told is the most important thing they need to do with their lives: Be pretty.
"Boys: Go to war. Girls: Be pretty."
Second example: Pyjamas.
My son was given Avengers pyjamas (which never seem to have space for the female Avenger, Black Widow) while my daughter was given a pink nighty with Tinkerbell posing daintily.
The Avengers are fighting bad guys and saving the day. Tinkerbell is looking pretty.
Did you know Tinkerbell is an engineer? She’s actually a great character because she’s a stereotypically girly girl who is also a "Tinker", which is basically the fairy version of engineer.
You wouldn’t know that from the picture on these pyjamas of her though. They could have shown her making something, concentrating as she tinkers.
But instead, she just looks like the most important thing about her is the fact that she is very good at being pretty.
"Boys: Protect and save the world. Girls: Be pretty."
The person who bought the pyjamas was a family member who should really know my daughter better. When I confronted her about this, she said that my daughter "Needed to learn how to be a little girl".
Why? Why the hell does she need to learn that? Why can’t she just be?
My sister is the 'girliest girl' in the world, and I absolutely adore her, and adore that about her.
It doesn’t make her in any way less worthy of respect as a person – in fact she’s a brilliant pink-heel wearing feminist – and I get furious with those who try to shame her for it and act like there’s something wrong and bad about her because she likes pink sparkles and high heels.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being stereotypically 'girly', but if someone is not why does she have to be pressured, manipulated, and even forced into becoming 'girly' just to satisfy society’s perception of what a girl should be?
Final example: Toys
My son was given a transformer toy. For those who don’t know, this is a robot that can be turned into a car.
My daughter, who has been obsessed with cars since she started playing with toys, loves transformers more than anything and will spend literally hours playing with them.
She was given princess hair ties and hair clips.
The look on her face when she opened the present broke my heart. She is far too well-mannered to be rude about a present, but you could see the crushing disappointment.
She’d seen what her older brother had been given, and she was excited to see what her transformer would be like.
Instead, she got gently reminded, again, that it’s not her job to play with cool mechanics.
Her job is to look pretty, and here were some clips and hairbands with pictures of pretty princesses on them to remind her that she needed to aspire to be like them.
My daughter is 7. She absolutely hates having her hair tied up and messed around with because it gets knotty and it hurts to brush it.
That’s the thing that irritates me most about stereotypically girly presents. My daughter doesn’t mind pink. Bring on the pink transformers!
She doesn’t even mind pretty, female dolls - although she’s noticed Barbie doesn’t seem to have nearly as much fun as Captain America, she’s a big fan of the Monster High range.
What upsets her, and therefore irritates me, is how boring a lot of these presents are. Turning a robot into a car is a challenge. There’s no challenge into putting a clip into your hair and looking into a mirror.
I mean, apart from the fact of getting used to going through pain for the sake of looking pretty. And that says so much as well.
Toys are important in a child’s development because they’re intellectually stimulating, and yet we give our daughters toys that require no intellectual stimulation at all, but really do focus on making sure they know that the most important thing they can be is pretty.
"Boys: Create and transform. Girls: Be pretty."
I’m sick of this.
My daughter is beautiful, but that’s not the best thing about her. She’s also creative, intelligent, thoughtful, experimental, and curious.
She has a strong desire to help people around her and wants to be a super hero, not some super hero’s girlfriend whose job is to look pretty while being kidnapped and then saved.
She loves cars and robots and wants to create a transformer one day.
She’s fascinated by dinosaurs and, when I last asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up, she said she wants to "dig up dinosaur bones and then help them to come alive again".
She doesn’t want pretty clothes, and pretty hair bands, and pretty make-up, and pretty jewellery. She wants awesome toys that will stimulate her mind and help her develop her talents and mind instead of her looks.
What’s more, and what’s important, is my daughter is not unusual.
People often act like she is unusually into "hardcore" things because she likes naturally interesting things like super heroes and action figures.
The same people will hand my son a game like "WAR: THE CARD GAME" without batting an eyelid, finding it perfectly normal for a 10 year old child to be obsessed with something as awful, violent and terrible as war… providing he’s a boy.
I know that none of these gifts are ever given with anything but the best intent, but sometimes intentions are not enough. We need to start thinking about what we’re choosing to give to little girls. (And boys, for that matter, but that’s another article.)
When you're buying your Christmas presents this year, think about the message that the presents you buy for girl children sends.
Is the only thing it's saying is "be pretty"?
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