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Dear Derick Watts and the Sunday Blues. We're sorry.

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Dear Derick Watts and the Sunday Blues

Well, you got us. When you posted your video entitled “Stop the Knot” online, you were laying down bait that we, the Internet, really couldn’t resist. And so, here we are, shamefaced, to admit to our faults.

It is true that, as you at no point indicated or even suggested that the video was staged, that we didn’t assume it was staged. (Of course, when you noticed the Internet’s horror and concern over this video that appeared to show young men, so entitled in their opinions over how others should look, actually physically assaulting people over their fashion choices, you didn’t take a moment to clarify that it was staged, but I suppose really it’s our job to be psychic rather than your job to be clear. Bad Internet. We get it.)

It is also true that we couldn’t help but notice the giant hipster moustache sitting on the lip of someone who was calling other peoples fashion choices douchey.  Now we will hand it to you, that was fine bait indeed. Here you have a man who looks like Douchy Mc Douchebag at his douchiest, saying other people’s hair is douchey and should be cut off because of how douchey it is.

Naturally the internet is going to say “uh HEY WHAT ABOUT THAT THING ON YOUR FACE”. And, of course, we did. Interesting how you called that “fighting bigotry with bigotry”. We thought it was pointing out some pretty enormous hypocrisy in people who want to play judge in what looks are and are not douchey. A sort of “um hey you know that splinter you’re pointing out in the eye of others? What about that log in your eye then?” But, you know, whatevs.

We also acknowledge the point made about our smug sense of moral superiority. It is most certainly nothing like the smug sense of moral superiority you exhibit in your own “apology” video at all. Consider us chided good and proper, Derick Watts and the Sunday Blues!

Finally we must acknowledge your suggestion that, perhaps, if we are concerned by videos that appear to encourage and celebrate physical assault, we should stay far away from the Internet. We see your suggestion and we raise you our own one.

If you still would like to post videos in which you claim you physically assaulted people because you didn’t like their haircut, and you would like to do this without having to be clear over whether or not it was staged, and you would like to do this without feeling any outrage, anger, or backlash at all, then might we suggest you stay far away from the Internet?

Ah but of course, the only real offense that is worth condemning is the unforgivable offense that is being offended by something offensive, right?

(Disclaimer: Of course many expressing outrage were simply jumping on the bandwagon. That’s how the Internet hate machine works, and that’s not OK. The fat shaming you received, for example, is not OK. But the way forward is to not declare all offensive content entirely OK and beyond reproach. But that’s another conversation.)

Lots of love
The Internet

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