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Partners
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. - Anais Nin
My last article dealt with friendship and mending the friendship bridge instead of burning it down. How serendipitous is life?
This week I lose one of my nearest and dearest. She passed away on Monday. I cannot begin to explain the emotions I feel and the grief of her passing.
How sudden is death?
It doesn’t ever give us an indication, it toys with us some times and other times stuns us by reclaiming someone before we have the chance to realise they are gone. A person can be here one second and gone the next. We could be laughing heartily one day and we could be attending their funeral the next. The shock I feel reverberates through me.
The realisation that she is gone, hits me hard. As I try to process her sudden death, two clear thoughts fill my mind. We never did address death; we spoke around death, death of others, death being so sudden but never about death of one of us. We talked about everything else, life, love, family and everything else but death. How do I navigate now?
My dear friend and I matured into our friendship — from cups of coffees to shopping adventures, from sharing ice creams to late night girl chats. Volumes of conversations that will remain between us for the rest of my life.
Every person we meet leaves an impression, a footprint or a touch, which remains with us forever. This beautiful human being touched mine and left an indelible footprint in my heart.
One can have many acquaintances, simple friendships; I have just two very close friends, one has just been taken away from me, I need to cherish the other.
The investment of time and love in friendships of this kind are deep and personal. I consider myself to be very fortunate to have shared a close bond with her. A bond which was born out of shared experiences, our values, tens of thousands of laughs and the bond of being women.
This friend became part of my chosen family... We were sounding boards for each other. So how do I survive a second close loss in less than two years?
First my mother, and now my dear friend. The death of a close friend is different than the death a parent, sibling or partner. No one sympathises with you, they don’t know what to call it. People offer a lighter brand of sympathy yet this is as deep as a family member passing on. I know that no friendship will feel the same as the one I have just lost.
With this acceptance, I am trying reconcile and let go of the guilt from the promises I made and subsequently broke in the wake of her death. Day by day, it will get easier I am sure, not returning the call I promised I would will always be there, and will definitely serve as a reminder going forward. This is the lesson I have been taught, make time for ones I care about, never let a job or other distractions, cloud what’s important.
Ultimately, when we leave this world, we take nothing with us, all we take is the good we have done, the difference we made in someone’s life, the hearts we touched. We will never be asked how much we made per annum, neither the cars we owned nor the brand of clothing we wore. Cherish people, make time for them, and give them the importance they deserve, never ever live with regrets.
While it is frightening to think who will be the next to be claimed by the inevitable, somehow my mother’s death and now my dear friend is in an odd way preparing me for it.
Your friendship made me a better and stronger person. You showed me that one has to continue functioning through all the challenges we face in life. You taught me the vocabulary of pain and sadness so I now know better how to comfort others when they need it. I never would have asked for it to be this way, but this is how it is.
Even in death, you have reminded me to show the people I love that I love them now, because life is short.
To Him we belong and to Him shall we return.
“While you were alive, you gave me many a lesson, reminder and admonition,
Today your death provides me with the most important lesson.”
Check out Saffiya's blog or follow her on Twitter.
You can also Follow Women24 on Twitter.
My last article dealt with friendship and mending the friendship bridge instead of burning it down. How serendipitous is life?
This week I lose one of my nearest and dearest. She passed away on Monday. I cannot begin to explain the emotions I feel and the grief of her passing.
How sudden is death?
It doesn’t ever give us an indication, it toys with us some times and other times stuns us by reclaiming someone before we have the chance to realise they are gone. A person can be here one second and gone the next. We could be laughing heartily one day and we could be attending their funeral the next. The shock I feel reverberates through me.
The realisation that she is gone, hits me hard. As I try to process her sudden death, two clear thoughts fill my mind. We never did address death; we spoke around death, death of others, death being so sudden but never about death of one of us. We talked about everything else, life, love, family and everything else but death. How do I navigate now?
My dear friend and I matured into our friendship — from cups of coffees to shopping adventures, from sharing ice creams to late night girl chats. Volumes of conversations that will remain between us for the rest of my life.
Every person we meet leaves an impression, a footprint or a touch, which remains with us forever. This beautiful human being touched mine and left an indelible footprint in my heart.
One can have many acquaintances, simple friendships; I have just two very close friends, one has just been taken away from me, I need to cherish the other.
The investment of time and love in friendships of this kind are deep and personal. I consider myself to be very fortunate to have shared a close bond with her. A bond which was born out of shared experiences, our values, tens of thousands of laughs and the bond of being women.
This friend became part of my chosen family... We were sounding boards for each other. So how do I survive a second close loss in less than two years?
First my mother, and now my dear friend. The death of a close friend is different than the death a parent, sibling or partner. No one sympathises with you, they don’t know what to call it. People offer a lighter brand of sympathy yet this is as deep as a family member passing on. I know that no friendship will feel the same as the one I have just lost.
With this acceptance, I am trying reconcile and let go of the guilt from the promises I made and subsequently broke in the wake of her death. Day by day, it will get easier I am sure, not returning the call I promised I would will always be there, and will definitely serve as a reminder going forward. This is the lesson I have been taught, make time for ones I care about, never let a job or other distractions, cloud what’s important.
Ultimately, when we leave this world, we take nothing with us, all we take is the good we have done, the difference we made in someone’s life, the hearts we touched. We will never be asked how much we made per annum, neither the cars we owned nor the brand of clothing we wore. Cherish people, make time for them, and give them the importance they deserve, never ever live with regrets.
While it is frightening to think who will be the next to be claimed by the inevitable, somehow my mother’s death and now my dear friend is in an odd way preparing me for it.
Your friendship made me a better and stronger person. You showed me that one has to continue functioning through all the challenges we face in life. You taught me the vocabulary of pain and sadness so I now know better how to comfort others when they need it. I never would have asked for it to be this way, but this is how it is.
Even in death, you have reminded me to show the people I love that I love them now, because life is short.
To Him we belong and to Him shall we return.
“While you were alive, you gave me many a lesson, reminder and admonition,
Today your death provides me with the most important lesson.”
Check out Saffiya's blog or follow her on Twitter.
You can also Follow Women24 on Twitter.
