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Why is it that society has an apoplectic fit when a girl is raped, but somehow denies that boys can be victims?
Through this action, this social myth, they deny men the ability to come out and heal from the pain that has immeasurably shaped their dysfunctional lives to the point that they now find themselves in.
I have many opinions on this concept, but they are not about abused boys, which is my field of expertise. (I won’t talk about the militaristic feminists that blame all the woes of the world on men) Oooops, that slipped out.
I remember having a rather one sided discussion with a feminist on the topic that only men perpetrate sexual abuse. She got so hot under the collar that the tweets were flying my way telling me that I did not know what I was taking about.
When I furnished her with the stats that we had concluded in our poll, she told me I was lying.
The next day, once she had calmed down, she apologized as she had found that the figures were indeed slightly different to what she thought, but then added vehemently “But men are still the worst perpetrators”.
Truth is, whether it’s a male or a female that perpetrates, we are still raising a terribly dysfunctional generation of children, and it is only getting worse.
As long as we deny the facts, this problem will get bigger and bigger.
We currently have a movement worldwide to reclassify paedophilia as a sexual preference and not a mental disorder.
Can you imagine the effects of this on children in the future, “Well I’m having sex with a 9 year old because I was born this way” Really? If this is successful, victims will find it impossible to prosecute their perpetrators.
But I ramble.
So how do you know if you’re beloved man was a victim of sexual abuse?
There is a long list of potential dysfunction that the male survivor will display. These are a few of the symptoms, and it is usually a combination of many rather than just one.
Potential Signs of a Male Survivor
- Porn addiction: is one of the first signs common to a survivor. When your man would rather spend time alone in the study with his computer than be with you in bed, there is a problem.
- Addiction to drugs or alcohol
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Dissociation
- Fear
- Gender Confusion
- Homophobia
- Rage and anger
- Impaired relationships
- Isolation and Alienation
- Low self-esteem
- Masculinity Issues
- Negative Childhood Peer Relations
- Self-Blame / Guilt
- Sexual dysfunction/ Addiction
- Sexual orientation confusion
- Shame / Humiliation
- Sleep disturbance
- Suicidal ideas and behaviour
- PTSD
- Bi-Polar (Normally diagnosed Borderline)
- Personality Disorder (Also diagnosed Borderline normally)
- Addiction to dating websites (A massive and growing problem)
Although this is an extensive list it is by no means exhaustive.
So what do you do if you suspect the man in your life is a victim?
Well hinting that there may be a problem is one way. Seriously ladies, the direct approach is probably not the best here.
This man has lived with the shame of what has happened to him and if you blurt it out, he will feel ridiculous and shamed and would probably withdraw even more.
Hint that you heard a story about a guy, hell, use my name, I don’t care, and tell them about this blog that you read, and tell him to look at it.
The other option is, buy a book online by Mike Lew called 'Victims No Longer' and leave it lying about the house for him to “spot”.
Truly, it is a difficult thing made harder by the pressures that society places on Survivors of sexual abuse, male and female, and it becomes an uphill battle to function on a daily basis.
Sadly MatrixMen support groups are still only in Johannesburg, and we are really hoping that these will spread throughout the country, but alas, the victims of sexual abuse are not lining up in droves to tell us about their past, when oddly enough, it is probably be the best thing for them to do.
If you suspect that your man has been a victim of abuse, or if you yourself are a victim, please feel free to contact us for any support or advice that you may need.
For more information visit MatrixMen's website or blog, like their Facebook page, or follow them on Twitter.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
Through this action, this social myth, they deny men the ability to come out and heal from the pain that has immeasurably shaped their dysfunctional lives to the point that they now find themselves in.
I have many opinions on this concept, but they are not about abused boys, which is my field of expertise. (I won’t talk about the militaristic feminists that blame all the woes of the world on men) Oooops, that slipped out.
I remember having a rather one sided discussion with a feminist on the topic that only men perpetrate sexual abuse. She got so hot under the collar that the tweets were flying my way telling me that I did not know what I was taking about.
When I furnished her with the stats that we had concluded in our poll, she told me I was lying.
The next day, once she had calmed down, she apologized as she had found that the figures were indeed slightly different to what she thought, but then added vehemently “But men are still the worst perpetrators”.
Truth is, whether it’s a male or a female that perpetrates, we are still raising a terribly dysfunctional generation of children, and it is only getting worse.
As long as we deny the facts, this problem will get bigger and bigger.
We currently have a movement worldwide to reclassify paedophilia as a sexual preference and not a mental disorder.
Can you imagine the effects of this on children in the future, “Well I’m having sex with a 9 year old because I was born this way” Really? If this is successful, victims will find it impossible to prosecute their perpetrators.
But I ramble.
So how do you know if you’re beloved man was a victim of sexual abuse?
There is a long list of potential dysfunction that the male survivor will display. These are a few of the symptoms, and it is usually a combination of many rather than just one.
Potential Signs of a Male Survivor
- Porn addiction: is one of the first signs common to a survivor. When your man would rather spend time alone in the study with his computer than be with you in bed, there is a problem.
- Addiction to drugs or alcohol
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Dissociation
- Fear
- Gender Confusion
- Homophobia
- Rage and anger
- Impaired relationships
- Isolation and Alienation
- Low self-esteem
- Masculinity Issues
- Negative Childhood Peer Relations
- Self-Blame / Guilt
- Sexual dysfunction/ Addiction
- Sexual orientation confusion
- Shame / Humiliation
- Sleep disturbance
- Suicidal ideas and behaviour
- PTSD
- Bi-Polar (Normally diagnosed Borderline)
- Personality Disorder (Also diagnosed Borderline normally)
- Addiction to dating websites (A massive and growing problem)
Although this is an extensive list it is by no means exhaustive.
So what do you do if you suspect the man in your life is a victim?
Well hinting that there may be a problem is one way. Seriously ladies, the direct approach is probably not the best here.
This man has lived with the shame of what has happened to him and if you blurt it out, he will feel ridiculous and shamed and would probably withdraw even more.
Hint that you heard a story about a guy, hell, use my name, I don’t care, and tell them about this blog that you read, and tell him to look at it.
The other option is, buy a book online by Mike Lew called 'Victims No Longer' and leave it lying about the house for him to “spot”.
Truly, it is a difficult thing made harder by the pressures that society places on Survivors of sexual abuse, male and female, and it becomes an uphill battle to function on a daily basis.
Sadly MatrixMen support groups are still only in Johannesburg, and we are really hoping that these will spread throughout the country, but alas, the victims of sexual abuse are not lining up in droves to tell us about their past, when oddly enough, it is probably be the best thing for them to do.
If you suspect that your man has been a victim of abuse, or if you yourself are a victim, please feel free to contact us for any support or advice that you may need.
For more information visit MatrixMen's website or blog, like their Facebook page, or follow them on Twitter.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
