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Why we can’t stop sweating the small stuff

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Image: Modern Hearts

I have 99 problems, and they are all multiplying in my head so fast I can’t even keep up. Hopefully, at the end of this column I will have resolved one. The problem of why I worry so unbelievably much.  

We’ve all experienced the horror of being kept up all night, drifting in and out of sleep – not because of loud neighbours or someone’s car alarm that just won’t stop, but because of our ever-nagging, worried minds. These days, the more I try to relax my mind, the more I stress. It’s like there’s a complete disconnect.

I definitely inherited my overactive mind from my mom who is a chronic worry-wart. It is truly torturous at times to be the only one worrying and losing precious sleep, when everyone else around you couldn’t care less about a certain event, danger, interaction or deadline.

I am currently experiencing a very strange type of anxiety. It started with a spike in work runs to Jo’burg every couple of weeks for beauty and fashion launches, up at 4am to catch that 6am flight. I would often go to bed the night before at 9pm, which is much different from my usual bed time. And then I’d lie there and attempt to sleep, but not a wink. My heart would start to beat, faster and faster. I would begin to worry about not getting my requisite rest. And then start thinking and worrying about everything in my real and online life (I’m serious - Instagram images start flashing through my mind) to the point that I can feel my whole body tensing up.

I’ve stopped looking at my phone before bed. It helps a bit.  

But, seriously, what is wrong with me? Some of us, I guess, are just able to live more freely and on impulse. I find this to be a struggle as I am a big planner. Is it wrong to want to know how things are going to go or work out? Why do we need to know?

As kids, we have very little idea of what’s in store for us. But as we grow up, we are disappointed by people and events, and as time passes, we learn to be more guarded in order to avoid such hurt, anger and sadness in the future. So, we start to worry more. Pretty self-defeating, right?

As I am also a news junkie, I always want to know each and every detail of international and local news stories. However bad it may be. And as the world gets smaller it also gets filled with more and more minefields. Hell, I even considered not going to Thailand for our honeymoon last year because of the tsunami that hit its stunning shores in 2004!

Does it all boil down to an issue I have with control? And since an issue of control ultimately boils down to an issue of trust, does this mean I have trust issues?

Because relaxing means trusting yourself, trusting others (even if they mess it up once, twice or many even three times), and ultimately trusting that whatever happens things will work out. Sure, maybe not the way you planned (which really freaks me out), but work out nonetheless. Is it time I try to give up control and embrace trust?

For now, I think I’ll just try to breathe.  

Are you a chronic worry-wart?

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