Is she the one?

Is she the one?

At some point of our lives we all need to at least flirt with this meandering question once. Yes, I know there are those that will say that “you don’t need to wonder, as you will just know.” Well, I want to step on some thin ice for a moment and elaborate a little.
I don’t want to stomp on anyone’s toes too hard, although I don’t mind to step just a little to get the sensory organs alert and firing. However, even if you do somehow know for sure that he or she is the one; well inadvertently there will be moments of doubt. Say for instance that time the significant other (SO) does something typical of the opposite sex, there will be at least one moment of doubt. Whether that is because he said he will be home in ten minutes from drinks with the boys at a rugby game and ended up taking fifteen times longer or alternatively; when she says she will be ready in ten minutes whilst you are already running late for that all important arrangement; and she takes twenty times longer. My point is this, even if the moments of doubt aren’t as superficial or stereotypical as the example above, there will somehow still be moments of doubt.

To take the optimistic and hopeless romantic approach, perhaps the moment you know for sure is when the SO gazes into your eyes for the first time and immediately your blood rushes through your veins like an Olympian Figure skater winning gold, you gave back and your heart skips a beat, you see nothing before you besides this person and you get more consumed by each and every resounding second with him or her. You then see a flash and begin to think with a clear head and renaissance poetry all of sudden makes sense!Even in such a circumstance, I would agree to an extent that he or she is the one. However, this is hedonistic and at the end of the day… we might as well ask; “for how long is s/he going to be the one for?”

To take a more liberal approach, maybe we realise once we’ve lived for the person for a while. Maybe it is a case of being with the person and then after a while, we realise that we actually can’t be without that person. No, not because of habit because she cleans up and does laundry or because he makes good money and some good chicken stir-fry. No. I’m speaking here about feeling the love of someone that is your best friend, a lover, a confidant, maybe even in some cases- a soul mate.

Let’s be honest with each other for a moment, initially attraction is quite often based on the physical attraction and this is at times short lived as lust does pass over time. Dam, as a male you could be engaged to Jenna Jameson; but sure enough the time will come when outer beauty will fade and inner beauty will need to carry the relationship through to the test of time. In some ways, I think we all want to rather be sitting outside on the porch with our SO, 50 years later, which fills all the cliché criteria of inner beauty rather than lustful components of outer beauty. Don’t get more wrong, I’m not far from the next person. I’m all for the outer beauty (at times I even think I’m overly superficial), I think I’m just approaching an age where I am very much content and happy in saying that the outer beauty is what is going to make it last or not last. Much like a wise friend once told me; “if she’s got a great personality and a kind heart, she’s a keeper and if she’s hot – well, that’s a bonus.”

Back to the thin ice, I don’t think it’s broken just yet although I’m not either about to pounce on the ice with red stilettos. If I were to find someone that made me feel like the Olympian figure skater doing the figure 8 in unison just above cloud nine; I would enjoy the moment for all that it is worth and milk it for every penny and be as hedonistic as possible. We all know these moments are few and far between. However, once again the dance will come to an end and the cloud will dissipate and fantasy (whether that is Moulin Rouge or 50 Shades of Grey) will cease to allow reality to take over.  When this does occur, we will have our scepticism take over and the second guessing will overtake and we be left with the ever eluding question… is s/he the one?  Maybe it is about those quiet moments when nothing needs to be said, when both bodies are laying down, drained of energy, nothing is said; however a full conversation is had with nothing besides the eyes and ironically, when we don't try - this is also when the question is answered.