'My wife refuses to have sex with me - what should I do?'

Question

I was recently married, and my wife and I agreed we’d like to start a family as soon as possible. I want children but now sex has become only about having kids. She’s always checking her calendar, which is fine, but she doesn’t want anything if the time isn’t right. Sex only has one purpose and I’m not enjoying it anymore. What can I do?

Answer

There’s a myth that when couples can’t have children it’s always the female’s fault and this is embedded in the minds of many woman. So, when things aren’t happening the woman automatically takes it upon herself to make things right.

This seems to be the case with your wife. She seems to have taken over responsibility for making sure she becomes pregnant and has in the process become obsessed. In executing this task, she’s forgotten that there’s more to sex than just procreation and that it’s a way for a couple to bond and keep their love alive. Maybe she needs a reminder of that. I suggest you talk to her about it. If you’re scared you might hurt her feelings, then see a marriage counsellor to help deal with this challenge. It needs to be addressed because once intimacy loses its spontaneity and fun, the relationship becomes dull and boring. She needs to remember the pleasurable part of it so you can both enjoy this aspect of your beautiful union. There’s hope, don’t give up.

According to healthy.com, addressing resentments, resolving conflicts, expressing how you feel to your partner may aid in remedying the situation. The website suggests that having such difficult conversations is the key to fuelling one’s sex life.