‘No’ is not a swear word, use it wisely

When God asked Cain in Genesis where his brother Abel was, Cain answered, “I don’t know. Am I my brother’s keeper?“

The answer to this is, “Of course, you are your brother’s keeper”.

During Women’s Month we can say, “I am my sister’s keeper”.

This entails to be able to say yes or no.

Saying yes means I have to assist my sister when she is in need. For me it is important that my sister is well and have food to eat. If you assist your sister to be educated, to grow and to develop, she will take care of herself in the future and not be dependent on you.

To say yes means knowing how your sister is and whether everything is still fine with her.

I love my sister-in-law’s family. As sisters they take care of each other. They phone each other regularly. If one is ill, one of them will visit or take care of the other.

Sometimes we – me included – do not know how our siblings or relatives are. We do not even send an SMS or call them.

I am a person who struggles to say no. I have read books and done research on when to say no or to say no without feeling guilty. My nephew says saying no is not a swear word.

You can say no, and you do not need to give any reasons.

If you say yes, no one asks you for a reason.

As people we should respect the other one’s no. Sometimes it is difficult to accept that another person does have a right to refuse. Many times people expect you to behave the way they want.

I think it is because some of us are controlling by nature. I am like that. I expect everybody to dance to my tune. When they say no, I take it as an offence.

I have to remind myself every time that it should not be like that.

Having difficulty to say no means that your boundaries are not well developed.

We should teach our children from when they are young to say no and to accept no. Our sisters may be manipulative, and then we give in.

We tend to eat, watch TV programmes or go to events which the strongest one prefers.

But you have to say no to your sister if agreeing is not to her benefit.

Saying no may be necessary if she is making wrong choices – wrong friends, wrong boyfriends, wrong purchases, etc.

Other times we have to let our sisters make their own mistakes, let them be and let them suffer the consequences of their decisions. It can then only make them stronger.